Alone: One Word Suicide Note
by Ayden Silverflame
Summary: Roxas feels so cold and numb...and no one seems to care. His one word suicide note, "Alone" is growing as he cuts it into his arm. Will his life get "warmed" up before he finishes the "E" on his wrist? AkuRoku fluff, Sequel and Prequel up! *Rewrite WIP!
1. Lithium

Before you read the story, a few words from me! :

Well i promised a re-write of my first ever fanfiction. It never felt "complete" in my mind and as i go back through and add more, it's starting to feel "complete". I'm also going to rewrite the first few chapters of the sequel, after i get all my updates up, my 2 new stories up, and complete the Alone Rewrite finished. Alone has had an astounding popularity...so far 54 reviews, and 6300+ hits. It amazes me, you guys, that it was read (or at least opened) that many times, and such great and amazing authors have read it and enjoyed it while it was still rough and "incomplete". Love you guys!!

Shoutout: to my lovelies!! To my Candy-chan!! (xx-Chibimuffin-xx i think you're new username is now?) for introducing me to fanfiction, Lovestoread1983 who offered to edit my horrible typos, 0Life-is-a-song0 for her awesomeness and helping me out, and giving me my new story idea! (no spoilers ahahaha!), Sammy-dee for being one of my best and first readers, sorry chica i messed up all your lovely reviews :(, EvilScotsman, for being there when the story was all icky, and liking it anyway, to g.h.s.x. for also being one of my first readers, to Cacaphony of Screams for the same thing (sorry your name isnt quite right chica! i'm typing this and idr how it was! D: forgive me!!), and to any of you other lovelies that was there, since the begining!!

So this is the rewrite, i'm going to go ahead and add them as i get them done =] enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership to any of the character's i've used, that belong to Squeenix and Disney (yeah, i have some Disney ones later on :D). The story _**is **_mine though. The story is mine, and the idea of the one word suicide note is also mine (it was a contingency plan..that i won't enact anymore so no worries!), and some OC's and places will pop up that _**I**_ made up, so, i own them i guesses. And like i said in my old AN's, Roxas is based almost solely on the way i used to feel...i'm more of a Demyx again, like i should be, than an emo Roxas so tis all good =] just ask any of my friends and AIM buddies i'm a bit of a spazz...lol. =]

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**Chapter 1: Lithium**

_Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone  
Couldn't hide the emptiness, you let it show  
Never wanted it to be so cold  
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me  
I can't hold on to me  
Wonder what's wrong with me?  
Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside  
Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without  
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow  
Don't wanna let it lay me down this time  
Drown my will to fly  
Here in the darkness I know myself  
Can't break free until I let it go, let me go_

**Roxas POV**

I felt so cold inside…a strange numbness that was soft and painful at the same time. After living almost exclusively, every day, with my friends Namine, Kairi, Sora and Riku all these years…after all our plans for the future…how could they betray me like this? Even though I knew in reality that it wasn't _that _big of a deal, and I shouldn't be this upset…I still was. Planning on going to college together, and learning together, and living together, and all of the experiences you received doing stuff like that with your best friends…why did they have to leave you out in the cold?

Teen hormones. Two words that pissed me off to the extreme. They had all decided they wanted to couple up…which was all good and bloody well for them but what of me? Their little fifth wheel Roxas. They left me alone like always. What's worse than them all making me feel awkward when we hung out?

The girl that I had been in love with for years picked a friend of ours over me. The conversation we had would haunt me forever, I think. And that park we sat at…I would never be able to visit it again.

Pushing her beautiful blonde hair out of her face, she looked me deep in the eyes, both of our baby blues meeting. The butterflies, who had always tortured me in such situations, decided to all out riot, and a blush had insidiously started to creep up my neck. I could feel my ears burning.

And all she did was look at me. Gee, school girl much, Roxas? The only thought I had was, _I'll tell her how much I love her…how long I've loved her. How I would do anything for her…_

But alas, such a simple few words…the thought of them brought forth such raging insecurities. A dark and evil little voice, one that I knew all too well spoke up. I knew it well, because it was me. My ownself.

_She deserves someone better than you._ I sneered. _You're just a nobody, a nothing. You will _never_ be loved by her, or anyone. Who could love you?_ I believed every word I said.

After all, if you couldn't believe yourself, who could you believe? I had listened to my own little demon for so long, I don't know. What else was I supposed to believe? I had watched beautiful Namine be beaten, abused, ignored, cheated on, and just plain treated like shit all of these years by dumb asses who didn't know exactly what they held…not as I knew.

And still. Even though I could _never_ do that to her…I still wasn't good enough.

"Namine? I-I need to tell you something." I blushed harder, stuttering. Why the hell did I stutter, for Goddess' sake? But…sitting this close to her, I could smell her sweet perfume…the shampoo she used in her hair. Stalkerish? Not at all. Just stimulation for my blushing. Sitting on this park bench next to her…felt right to me. The trees, the flowers…perfect setting for a confession of love, yes?

"Yes, Roxas?" she asked quietly, looking up from her sketchpad. I was itching to see the pictures she had in there…but I was too shy to ask to see it. Why did I have to act like such a moonstruck fifteen year old so often? "Oh!" flipping through her sketchpad, she came to one in particular she paused on, and stared at for a long time. "I almost forgot this, here, it's for you!"

Quickly tearing out the paper, gracefully she flourished it and handed it to me. I gingerly took it from her…a Namine picture was always special. She saw things others weren't able to, and she had such amazing talent. As I stared, awe- and dumb- struck at the image in front of me, she kept talking, her quiet, smooth as water voice supplying background music to my reverie.

"I don't know what you have locked away, Roxas." she gently placed her hand on my knee. "I feel…such a great sadness and loneliness from you. Whenever I'm near you, when I touch you, I feel it. Roxas, I want you to be happy, I can't help it." leaning towards me she whispered. "You're my all time best friend, you know that right?"

My heart started to beat crazily, a marching tune.

"N-Nami? I L-lo-" my voice was hoarse, so it came out as a whisper, until she interrupted me that is…

"You're my best friend, I just have to tell you!" she squealed girlishly, again her ability to not hear me (well I had talked silently!), and I looked at her in surprise. The only other time she was this excited was when Riku asked her to Senior Prom…

"I don't know how to say this, but…oh gosh. I don't think I can say it!" she held her left hand up, and I stared at it dumbly. Yes hun, you have a pretty hand, get it out of my face.

"Riku proposed to me! After all these years, of me loving him from afar…watching him mess around with that little man-whore my sister is in love with, he chose me!" she started to cry…sweet tears of joy that I silently cherished.

Even if they weren't about me at all.

"Nami, I'm so happy for you. That's great!" I smiled, a fake one that came to me so easily. I leaned over and hugged her gently. "I…I have to go. Got packing and all. I'll TTYL, kay?" and like the little coward I am, I ran from the park.

"But Roxas!" I could faintly hear her call after me. "You forgot your picture!"

**Namine POV**

"But Roxas!!" I called out to the retreating blonde. Why the hell did he have to run so fast? I had only meant to give him some good news…"You forgot your picture!!" I looked down at the portrait I had done of him.

A side angle, almost a three fourth shot, it was perfect in every detail. I had his pale skin, gold hair, and blue eyes done in great contrast and focus, and a sketchy outline of him in soft blues, and black. The colours of sadness and sorrow.

I saw things about people. Mine and Kairi's older sister, Aerith, was supposed to be "gifted" like our grandmother had been. I don't think Kairi had any "gifts"…she didn't show them if she did. Me and Aerith had been doing weird things since we were both little. Kairi took more after our father, Reno, while Aerith and I took after our mother, Renoa. Well, my blonde hair, no one knows where that came from…in that aspect I looked an awful lot like Roxas.

The things I had just seen coming off of Roxas…pure sorrow, pure loneliness. And I thought he'd be happy. I guess I should have been comforted by the fact he had pretended.

But that made me feel extremely guilty for some strange reason.

**Roxas POV**

I don't know what all she felt after I ran away. It would never dawn on her, the reason I did though. No matter what she "saw", she would never _see_ me, not ever. That was one crummy afternoon. What followed the next day shattered me all over again.

Not only was it bad news, it was in the form of a Sora Text. Which are incredibly, ridiculously hard to read…a full keyboard on his damn phone and I still get these:

"We al dsided 2 nt get a hous 2gether aftr al, Sry, Rox!"

And:

"O, w8. Wernt u gnna by al d lvng room frnture? Oops! Ges I shdla told u b4, LOL Sry Rox!"

I fumed, needless to say. I now had all of the living room furniture stacked up in layaway, worthless. I looked at the receipt for it balefully. Asshole. Not only was my "best friend" not caring, but I had lost the girl of my dreams to the guy my "best friend" used to mess around with in high-school. I lost her to a gay guy. Lovely. I would never be more than a perpetual friend for her now…the perpetual fifth wheel in the group. No one else liked me, besides that creepy stalker guy…Vexen? Was that his name? I forget. I still had some of the poems he had written for me though.

All alone. I was destined to be alone, it seemed. Sadness and anger, loneliness and pure, undiluted hate (not just for Riku, but for myself.) seemed to wash over me like a crimson tide…and I had to let it out anyway I could.

Alone…such a simple word, with such large consequences. Two slices of a razor, and the crimson flood was out…the sweet pain taking away all thought. I was clearheaded now, focused. I knew what I had to do…why just simply cut myself, when I could make it into a great suicide note? One that when they found it, would make them see how I truly felt?

I had nothing to live for. I could care less about me…I lived for my friends, and family. The only ones keeping me here left me again and again. So I would leave them this time…I'd disappear.

This nobody would turn into nothing, like he was supposed to. All with a single worded suicide note. Alone, cut into my skin. Of course I would have to go over and over the letters again, to make sure they were more visible than the scars that already littered my arms…and the rest of me. But I didn't have a problem with that in the least. I needed the release more and more now, it seemed.

So I started my one word suicide note. One down…four more letters to go. One day, it would be finished, my final testament to the world, and on that day, I would kill myself.

Today was "A".

Tomorrow would be "O". And so on, until, i reached "E", and started all over again, back on "A" and on till "E", so make sure that it was visible. Then, then it would all be over, a sweet surcease of sorrow, a sweet trip to oblivion...

**Unknown POV**

"So my child, you know what you have to do, yes?" the Goddess loomed over me, her eyes-of-forever peering deep within me. "Do you understand the task I set you to, the gift I give you? This second chance at life." I nodded slowly, trembling.

I loved her and feared her, this goddess named Cosmos. When she directed her full gaze on you…no matter how brave or foolhardy, you fell to her. You fell and wept in joy, fear and bewilderment.

"Yes Goddess. I hear and obey." I stood slowly, my dark leathers, tight against my muscled frame making no sound as I stood. A dark portal appeared, a freezing hot flame, abyssal and yet divine. Dark blue, purple, and black flames leaped at me eagerly and I smiled at them. Stepping through the portal, one last look shot behind me at the most beautiful, kind and good being in the universe (besides the one person that I loved, of course), and her small Shadow, that I had known in a past life.

_I'll find you, wherever you are. I have to, not only do I want it with all of my being, but the Goddess has ordered it._

It was my mission, and the thing I wanted the most. To find that person.

**Roxas POV**

I was awoken by the faint itchy sting I always got when a slash scabbed over. Today was moving day…the day after those horrible text messages, two days after my hope for love had been crushed, and after my decision. It was time to pack all that was me into cold, smelly, and brown cardboard boxes. Sora and the gang had left the day before, each couple to their respective, shared flats.

My older brother Cloud came into my room. He was all that I had left of my family, after our parents died. I had always admired him…his pretty boy looks, his physical prowess and grace, and the way that everyone loved him. I wanted to be loved too. Like a song I heard once…his tiny whispers, love me, love me. It's all I ask for, love me love me. Those lyrics fit me so perfectly.

"Looks like it's time to say goodbye, little brother." Cloud murmured quietly. He had never once raised his voice, my quiet brother. With me he was gentle. And distant. The only way to see his emotions was to read his eyes, which I was very good at. Today I saw pride, and a touch of sadness.

"Yeah." I looked around my empty room. I was leaving my bed, and my nightstand, for when I came to visit. But posters, books, bookcase, desk and chair, clothes, knick knacks, they all resided in five cardboard boxes.

"Make sure you come and visit home. Me and everyone." he paused, and I shot him a quizzical look. I feared he might be tearing up…or losing his mind. Cloud never talked this much with me. I think I mystified him slightly, I looked exactly like him, yet we were so different. "We're going to miss you.

"Yeah." I looked down at my Converse as we walked out the door, the ones that I had begged Namine to draw on once. The artwork was still there, tribal designs that any biker would envy. A voice called from next door, and I looked up slowly. Here comes the party…the group in our apartment building. Or better put, asylum.

We were all a bit odd, okay? My brother and his friend Leon (Sora's older brother) play with fricking huge ass swords. For fun.

"Roxas!" Aerith came running towards me. "I was afraid we'd miss your leave." stepping in close, she breached my bubble and hugged me tight. Of anyone I knew, Aerith was the only one that actually showed she loved me openly.

The warm embrace made tears prick at my eyes. Leon, and Zack, Aerith's husband, stood with Cloud. Three stoic men, though, Zack has a bit of humour about him. He was a bit dangerous at April Fools. I liked him, and Leon was cool too, I guess. A lot like Cloud actually, so like his little brother yet so different.

Zack grinned at me, and handed me a large box. "Aerith wanted to make sure you were set, so you wouldn't get sick. Her special brand of medication, all bottled and freshly distilled." he kissed her softly on the forehead. "My wife, the white witch." she giggled and shooed him away, protesting at his horniness.

Leon flashed an uncharacteristic grin when I accepted the box. Knowing him…I bet he hid something in it to surprise me. Nestling it carefully in the cab of my old, beat up black pick up, I closed the door to be greeted by a flying form. Yuffie, our resident ninja and clown of a damn good pick pocket (she'd get you some great gifts for Christmas…usually things you had noticed missing throughout the year) had jumped from her and her sister's apartment balcony.

"Yo Roxas!" she jumped on me, a fierce hug after Aerith's soft one. Okay I take it back, Aerith, and Yuffie showed me love. But I still could see Zack kiss Aerith on the forehead…and a strange thought passed lightning bolt violent through my mind.

_I want someone to kiss me on the forehead. To love me like that._

"Lil-bro, I'm gonna miss stealing from you! You had some really cool stuff and your reactions to getting it back for Christmas made you the best one, fer sure!"

Tifa stepped forward silently in her trained martial artists' way, having walked down the stairs, unlike her younger sister (though I had heard she was the only one that could beat Yuffie at martial arts) and handed me a picnic basket, with the stereotypical chequered table cloth.

"You can keep the basket, for when you take a cute girl out." she grinned, and met Leon's eye, silent amusement twinkling in both sets. Zack chuckled in his gloves, and I had the distinct impression they were _all_ pulling a prank on me. "Your favourite sandwiches and drinks are inside, I know how much you love my cooking." and indeed I did…Tifa was a renowned cook. Her bar got more business than the bigger clubs did, and somehow remained a lot quieter.

I was starting to get a bit edgy…I couldn't take it anymore. Twitching ever so slightly, I opened the driver side door.

"Well…thanks you guys. I'm off now." I jumped into the cab of my truck, the picnic basket joining the box of potions. Tifa and Yuffie joined the others, all of them standing there on the curb, Aerith and Yuffie both crying freely, Tifa looking unruffled, but caring, and the three men all snickering stoically (believe me it's possible, their doing it right now).

My family. All of them, and they cared enough to see me off, and give me things to help me out. I drove away quickly, cresting the hill that separated our apartment complex, Traverse Town (named after the fact that the buildings rambled everywhere, and that we had a convenience store that Tifa's long time boyfriend, Cid, ran.) from the rest of the city. Happy thoughts prevailed supremely in my mind, and I quickly turned on my radio, sneaking one last glance in the rearview.

The last sight of them ruined my happy thoughts.

_They don't love you; this is because they feel like they have too._ The dark, little voice that was me, and not me, whispered in my mind, _Wake up, you nobody, no one will _ever_ love you like you wish they would. Look at them now, as you drive away! LAUGHING AT YOU. They know you're going to be a failure._

And they were. They were all doubled up in laughter…at me. I agreed with my voice in that one moment more than I ever had before

**Cloud POV**

I watched as my brother left. My friends were already laughing at the joke they had pulled on poor Roxas. Apparently, Leon thought it would be hilarious to pass the younger Strife a boxful of condoms…but I for one, didn't really think they'd come in use. Unlike his older brother, Roxas had never had or thought of sex. Unlike me, Roxas I was afraid, was sexless.

Of course, he probably hadn't _dreamed_ of participating in the _kind_ of sex I had, either. I turned to my secret lover, and Sora's older brother laughed out loud at my expression. I knew I was glaring.

"I know, your going to be mad that I got him all those condoms. But it's better than him getting some girl pregnant when he _does_ get interested in sex." I just glared, the idea of Roxas having sex was something I didn't think would happen. Way to ruin my poor brother's self esteem for being strange. "Oooh I see you're mad at me."

Leaning close he silently and smugly whispered in my ear. "I'll let you spank me tonight. I deserve punishment."

I couldn't help but smirk, no matter how pissed I was. He sure as Hell did. Quickly pulling my lover (and true love, though I hadn't admitted that since our first night) into an embrace, licking softly along Leon's jugular. He shivered, and a slight moan escaped through his lips as I grabbed his manhood in a tight, yet gentle squeeze. I quickly caught his lips in my own, thankful the others had the courtesy to leave us at our fun without giving us grief.

"Let's go get you punished." I whispered hoarsely, and I smirked just a bit more. We could be as loud as we wanted now, since Roxas had left the roost. It was the only _good_ thing about this whole ordeal.

Even though I was distant…and didn't show my feelings a lot, I would really miss my little clone, that wasn't such a perfect copy as he appeared. He was the last thing I had of my parents, and the only thing I loved for a long time. He was my light in the darkness of my past, which I wasn't proud of…which Leon had saved me from.

Yes. Roxas was my light. And Leon was my home, if that makes any sense.

* * *

SO? how was it? :D if you've already reviewed this chapter...well sorry!! :( i'll be posting an extra chapter, at the end when i'm finished all the way, with an all new scene and a preview of the sequel and prequel (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not and The Silver Lining respectively)!! Love you lovees!! And if your new, review please!? :D


	2. Taking Over Me

So this is the second chapter! it's been rewritten too, so enjoy! ^-^ Chapter Three rewrite soon!! :D

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**Chapter 2, Taking Over Me**

_You don't remember me,  
__But I remember you.__  
I lie awake, and try so hard__  
Not to think of you.__  
But who can decide what they dream?__And dream I do…  
I believe in you.__  
I'll give up everything, just to find you.__  
I have to be with you, to live, to breathe  
You're taking over me_.

**Roxas POV**

College life sucks. That's just the basics of it folks. I was already swamped with so much homework (why oh, why did I choose to be a full time student?). If I hadn't gotten all of the scholarships I did, and if mine and Cloud's parents hadn't been so bloody rich, I wouldn't be able to pay for _anything_. Work was out of the question when you went to school as much as I did…studied as much as I had too, and had to have so much shit done so quickly.

I'd already been living here a few weeks, disposing of the lovely gift of Leon and Zack's. Had I said that Zack was dangerous at April Fools? Well, him and Leon combined was worse. Though I did have the smug satisfaction of being too big for them. Hopefully they didn't fit either man snugly (I secretly hoped they did though!), or embarrassment city for them. Buahaha.

I missed everyone so much, even if it was one sided like I thought it was. I hadn't even seen much of my friends, we didn't have very many classes together, and I lived in a completely different apartment complex. I was so tired of being alone.

I looked at the faint outlines of the Word. I had A done pretty darkly, it stood out nicely now, and L had been started, a few more swipes, and I might be able to start on O. I shivered slightly. I knew…deep down, that I didn't want to die, not really. There was still a tiny, little flare of that annoying bitch named Hope that just wouldn't go away.

Even though I knew, that once I reached E it would end. I was still scared to…well death about it. The pain was worth it though, to watch my Word grow. The cold, it made my life just unbearable, the numbness was even worse than feeling. I hated when it would kick in…that fatal and seductive numbness. It made me shut down…made everything that was me, that wasn't broken, shut off.

I considered asking for help. Church? No. I didn't want anything religiously biased. And I didn't want my family to be ashamed of me, even if they didn't care about me anymore. I couldn't handle them being ashamed of me. And doctors? They just lock you up, or put you on pills that make you numb. And I had my own numbness, I didn't need the help of some pill.

So I'd just deal. Like I had been doing these past few years, since they died and left me and Cloud. I had learned, put on some Neosporin (which reduced scarring, I couldn't use it now on the Word. For the letters, I washed them with alcohol. Brought more pain.), bandage it, and deal with the heat of long sleeved shirts.

As I was reading my Math text book, I heard a strange noise in the kitchen. It was a bit normal to hear the old piece of junk rattle, though I had never heard it do it that loud. Strangely enough, it seemed to do it especially loud whenever the neighbour upstairs got laid. Which I could hear. Either Yuna was having wild sex or she was murdering guys.

BANG.

Oh shit.

Something fell over in the kitchen…and I didn't have a view of the front of my apartment, where I was sitting. Had someone broke in? I picked up the nearest, weapon-like thing I saw…my two old Keyblades, relics of happy childhood games.

Made out of hefty pieces of wood (actually two broomsticks), they had oval shaped cross guards, and flat, square shapes protruding on the ends, making them look like giant skeleton keys. Memories of those summer days shed a little bit of light on my dark soul. Even though I had always played Sora's copy, and was only allowed to play if Sora got attacked by a made up monster called a "heartless", and lost his heart, I had had lots of fun.

My Keyblades looked just like his. I had to have exact copies, because I was supposed to be an exact copy of the idiot. Kairi was constantly being kidnapped, Riku was always switching from villain to hero, and Nami just sketched, it was her power after all. The power to affect others through drawing.

Happy memories aside, someone was in my apartment! I dodged silently passed some empty cardboard boxes, a lot more ninja than I thought I was. Must be the adrenaline. I put one Keyblade in a defensive position (Cloud had actually taught me to spar with them), and the other in an offensive. I knew, compared to a gun, or a real blade (swords were still rampant in some towns…like Cloud and Leon's), would have no hope. But maybe, just maybe, I could get behind whoever it was and brain 'em.

Lovely thought.

I rounded the corner, and entered my kitchen. What met me was not the reason to call 119 that I had thought it would be…but a different one entirely. My damn stove was on FIRE.

**Unknown POV**

I had battled my way through so many demons, crossing the worlds through the corridor of darkness. I had almost reached the other side…just almost! When one lucky bastard with silver hair and a heart shaped symbol (I'd have to look up his Demon standing and name later…so I could exorcise the bitch.) got a lucky hit on me, stabbing me in the side.

Wherever I came out at…I hoped they had some potions ready. 'cuz once I reached their side, the time stop on me would cease, and all bloody hell would break loose. Quite literally.

I could see the opening, the pinprick of light I had been waiting so long to see.

_Soon. Soon I'll see you again._ I thought as the light started to envelop me, and mind blowing pain erupted in my body.

**Roxas POV**

I quickly ran to the sink, and grabbed a Tupperware bowl I had eaten out of last night, and dumped the water ineffectively on the blaze. Gr it was so hot in here! I returned to the sink, to grab another bowlful of water, and as I dumped the second bowlful on the blaze, I actually looked at it, and what I saw dumbfounded me.

It wasn't burning anything. The stove, the fridge, the things on the stove…none of it so much as showed a scorch mark. Even though I could feel the soul searing heat bite my skin, making me sweat and pant, nothing else seemed affected by it.

Scantily clad in only my pyjama bottoms (I was freefalling it too…why dress up if there was no one to see me?) I just stood there, sweat pouring off of my body, singing my skin. If I didn't move I was gonna have one helluva sunburn tomorrow. The pain was exquisite…though it didn't compare to fresh razor slices, and in my perverse and disgusting way, I liked it.

I was still staring dumbly at the fire when the up till then normal orangey yellow flames seemed to darken…from orange to red, slowly…then from red to a deep, dark rust blood colour. Continuing further still, they changed to a very pleasing shade of maroon, then indigo, then a purple so dark it was almost black, with small blue flames like shooting stars flashing here and there, and silver sparks flying.

As the colour changed, the temperature did too. Gradually lowering a degree per shade, I was soon chattering, freezing. Now I wasn't frozen in awe, I was literally frozen in place, the sweat from earlier making an icy suit of armour, a human carapace of diamond.

And can you believe it…it got even colder? And the flames darkened further still…till there was nothing but blackness, an abyssal flare before me, a cold so strong it burned me, I couldn't feel my skin anymore…it burned me on the inside.

But flashes of silver were there too. Divine, yet abyssal. Suddenly the flames peaked, and formed an oval, the silver sparks shooting even stronger. And out of the oval, the perfect ellipse of darkness, a redheaded man in black leather fell on top of me.

"Roxas." he whispered, pain etched haggardly on his beautiful face. "I…I found you…" his green eyes, sad, pain filled, and utterly irresistible, met my blue ones.

"What?" I asked…very thoroughly confused, but he didn't answer. Standing up, I must have hit his injury because with a gasp, he passed out, green eyes flashing shut. I dropped my Keyblades, sweat gone, dark flames and silver sparks no longer in view, a redheaded man halfway in my arms and halfway on the floor (and weighing a ton, too).

This was some kind of twisted dream right? And what was I going to do? It's not like I could just call the police…tell them there was a stranger in my house, that appeared out of black fire?

I felt strangely violated…he had been practically lying on top of me. I had never wanted to, or been, that close to someone, much less a male. I half drug him to the living room, and lugged him onto my couch. What to do, what to do? Again, police was out. They would never take it seriously…this was a college town after all. They got calls from wasted people all the time, I'm sure. And my excuse, if I pressed it, could make me sound mad. They would eat that up, and throw me somewhere.

I looked over at the strange boy. He looked a few years older than me, he had the wildest red hair I had ever seen. It literally stuck up all over, like a porcupine. His eyes were amazing…so crystalline, despite (or maybe because) of the pain, and the strange, upside down triangle tattoos on his cheeks looked an awful lot like Reno's.

In fact this guy looked an awful lot like Reno anyway. Add some goofy goggles, and voila, Nami and Kairi and Aerith's dad twenty some odd years ago! But despite the resemblance to their quirky father (a lot of his sentences ended with "yo"), his appearance called to me even more…

Like a past life. This must be how it felt, to meet someone you knew in a past life. Maybe. I had never believed in any of that, the Summerlands and all. But his face…the angles of it, the eyes, the hair, the hands, the arms, _everything_ about this stranger called to me, deeply. Like I had seen him in a dream…

If I had dreamed of him, I wish I could remember them. I wonder if they were happy ones. I don't remember happy dreams, and surely, someone this beautiful had to be some kind of angel. And only angel's can see you in happy dream's, because only demon's ride the Night-mares.

The cold and numbness was there, beside me, like two ever present demons. I felt utterly useless, the boy in front of me breathing shallowly, and I wondered if he was injured under all that crazy leather. I couldn't see any holes in it, it all looked _very_ tight, and it fit his well muscled body well.

But there had to be something I could do! And right at that moment, it hit me. Aerith's potions! I quickly ran to the cupboard I kept them in, and grabbed one of the slightly glowing green bottles. Whatever the hell she put in this stuff was great for anything, and healed up cuts amazingly.

I had learned long ago to never use one after I released the pain, and I could double never use one now, that I wanted the scars to show.

Pushing my own problems out of my mind, I quickly unstopped the bottle, and gently grabbed the chin of the redhead. Ever so slightly, I pried his mouth open, trying to be as gentle as possible (his lips…were amazingly soft) and slowly poured half of the bottle in. he didn't choke, thank Goddess, and I rubbed his neck to help him swallow, like I had done for a dog I had had long ago (ironically enough, he died choking on a pill. It's all Cloud's fault.).

"Mkay, Red. We got that in you, but I need to see…if there are any open wounds. Goddess, that's a huge zipper." I slowly unzipped the leather, and what met my eyes scared me shitless.

Blood, everywhere. More blood than I had ever seen from one of my cuts. Small scrapes, and what looked like a huge slash/stab wound littered the otherwise perfect body before me. Large bruises, some yellow, but most ranging from purple to blue decorated the rest of the toned chest and abdominal muscles.

"Gee, Red what the hell happened to you?!" I grabbed one of my pillows, and, pouring the rest of the bottle onto the stab wound, pressed on it _hard_, in hopes that it would stop the blood flow before it became too much, before the potion started doing its thing.

The potion was working, buet it was working too slow. Blood still continued to seep out of the closing wound (again, what the hell does she put in these?). The pillow, now with a red blossom forever staining it, was helping to stop the flow, the pressure I was putting on the wound aiding the potion.

Sugar. Sugar stopped blood flow.

"Red, Red wake up!" I smacked him a few times, and his jade green eyes, so vibrant in their colour, met mine, fogged with pain. "I need to get some stuff to help you, here, press on this as hard as you can for me!" he weakly lifted his arms, and pressed down on the pillow. "Good, keep doing that till I get back, don't pass out!"

I ran into my small kitchen (and looked at my stove in a new light), and grabbed the bag of sugar off the shelf…I think this would work. It's what mother used to do when I cut my finger, or scraped a knee. Running back into the living area, I pushed the pillow (and his strong arms…even through all the pain, he was able to press harder than I had), and dumped a generous amount on the wound.

"The sugar helps it clot. I wish the potion would hurry up and work!" I was talking to no one, really. Just blabbering in haste, and worry. A perfect stranger (no matter how familiar he felt to me) and I was doing all this for him…worrying about him this much. My ability to care for others more than myself was astounding.

"Roxas…"

I turned to look at him, and yet again, I was drawn into his eyes. Is this what they meant, when they said a serpent's eyes were hypnotizing? Because his sure as hell were. But they were fogged over in pain, not seeing, not really. Even though I knew that, I still couldn't wrench myself away. As I stood there, pressing on a life threatening wound, waiting for the potion to work, blood, soaking my couch, and pillow, covering my hands and arms, I was entranced.

I watched, for I don't know how long. His eyelids finally drifted shut, and I could barely make out a whisper. "Roxas…where…?" and then he passed out, shallow breathing making me worry still.

I sat there, thinking. What to do, what to do? I knew, the potion would seek out the most life threatening target, and take care of it (they seemed to be slightly sentient…which was scary), so the smaller cuts would be looked over. Any internal damage would be taken care of, and the open part of the wound was already sealing, the blood flowing not as freely anymore thanks to the sugar.

I stood him up, his bulk resting on my shoulders. I had to take care of the other wounds, somehow. Infection was a bitch. A sudden light bulb went off, and I half dragged, half carried the taller, and way heavier, Red to my bathroom.

Filling the bathtub with hot water, making it so hot it was almost scalding, I slowly and gently peeled (wrangled…details, details.) the sticky and shrinking leathers off of Red's body, and laid him gently into the water. Helping another man undress made me feel strange…and his nude (and very well endowed) body was having a strange effect on me…I was almost hyperventilating…and was getting a bit hard.

Again, I ran to the kitchen, this time grabbing salt. Salt water was good at fighting infection, my dad always said. It was nice to feel that their little bits of knowledge came to me so easily in a time of crisis (like, kick and scream if I'm trying to be kidnapped, and stuff like that. Somehow, Cloud never seemed to think that would happen I guess, I never got that speech. Now when he explained sex…I still shuddered at those memories.) A tiny hysterical thought bubbled up. Sugar and salt, like sea-salt ice cream. My favourite.

On second thought…I grabbed another bottle of potion and dumped it in the bath, along with the salt. I really hoped that Aerith could make me some more, I have no idea how many I have left. Funny, I'm not usually this scatterbrained…my chest start hurting, and I was breathing really hard from all the running around I was doing. I couldn't afford to get sick, not yet! I had tests to study for and-

I forgot about them all completely as I stepped into the bathroom, pain and tests alike. Red was sleeping silently, peacefully in the tub, the second potion calming him. He was kind of peaceful (and naked…and I still kept looking at him, strangely). Questions were swimming in my mind, and refused to be set to rest, refused to be ignored.

How did he know my name? Why was I so…attracted…to him. I didn't think I was gay. I'd never really thought about sex, like ever, but still. I didn't think I was gay. Why was he so familiar? And why does my chest hurt so bad?

A lung ripping cough tore it's way through me…and all I could think about was that strange portal, and the effect it had had on my body. From searing hot to burning cold, and all that ice that had frozen on me! No wonder I was feeling sick…

I walked slowly back into my kitchen (yet again…the room usually didn't receive this much traffic), and reached into the potion cupboard. I really, really couldn't afford to get sick…and I knew form past experience that Aerith's potions worked wonders for colds. Reaching my arm into the tiny cupboard, standing on tip toe to reach (I was short, okay? Don't be hatin'), only to find an empty bottle, and a piece of broken glass.

Lovely. My last potion had leaked out. I had just used my last two on a complete stranger, and now, haha on me, I was getting the flu or something. Maybe pneumonia. I punched the wall, strangely irritated at myself.

Why had I worried so much about that redhead, and completely forgotten about myself?

* * *

WEWT!! So the deal about the reviewing still applies :D if you're a new reader, don't forget to review!! ^-^ Until chapter three, i bid you adieu!


	3. Bring Me To Life

Chapter Three of the rewrite is up!! WOO! Many thanks to my beta, Lovestoread1983!!! Chapter 4 SOON!!! I have it halfway done. :)

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**Chapter 3 Bring Me To Life**

_Wake me up  
(Wake me up inside)  
I can't wake up  
(Wake me up inside)  
Save me  
(Call my name and save me from the dark)  
Wake me up(Bid my blood to run)  
I can't wake up  
(Before I come undone)  
Save me  
(Save me from the nothing I've become)  
I've been living a lie  
There's nothing inside  
Bring me to life_

**Roxas POV**

I thought dark thoughts about myself the whole way back to the bathroom, past my bloodied couch (I'd have to replace that sooner or later…I was not looking forward to the excuses I would have to make about the blood though), and into my small bathroom. Letting out some of the water, I added more hot water to the tub, and then ran swiftly (and with a lot of pain…my lungs were complaining) to my bedroom to change the sheets. No way in hell was I going to make him sleep on the couch, and he had to lie down…I could easily sleep in my armchair.

Even though the potions had healed him, I knew that they would need time to set, to make sure the healing went as deep as possible. Time and comfort, and a little TLC would fix even the most life threatening wounds, after it was treated with Aerith's magic, of course.

I added extra bedding, along with the clean sheets. Underneath them, a comforter and two blankets now made their home, to make my pretty comfortable mattress even more so. Searching through my small storage/attic-like area, I wrangled out another couple of comforters…and started to wonder about how exactly I had gotten so many.

CRASH.

Oh shit. What the hell now??

Running to the bathroom (that's where the noise had come from…I wasn't just running to the bathroom) I cleared the doorway, and saw Red laying half in and half out of the tub. Stepping carefully towards him (water had splashed out of the tub), I got there just in time to see his eyelids flick closed. Grabbing him, I pulled him up awkwardly and then dropped him unceremoniously back into the tub, with a wince. Good thing he was out of it that would have hurt otherwise. I looked down, and then quickly looked away. I don't really know why, since I had already seen him naked…I was the one that put him in there after all. I was the one that undressed him, and put him in there.

I sat on the toilet seat, and held his hand, so that if he woke up again, he wouldn't be alone, so he would know that someone was here, taking care of him. That he wasn't alone, even though his companion, here in the bathroom, truly was.

I don't know how long I sat there, holding his solid, warm, _familiar_ hand. Until the water was tepid, until I felt my own eyes trying vainly to close themselves in exhaustion, to let dreams and sleep carry me away. But I just couldn't…not until I got him out, and safely tucked into bed.

I really hoped we both spoke the same language when he woke up.

I walked slowly and tiredly back to my room, and grabbed a pair of pyjamas, ones that must have been a pair of Cloud's, because they were too long. We used to get our laundry mixed up a lot, and I usually complained about it and found it a nuisance, now I was grateful because they were long enough for Red to wear.

I drained the water out of the tub, and towelled Red off as well as I could without touching him too much…when my hand came across his bare behind, I blushed furiously.

"Sorry, sorry!" I couldn't help but apologise. I mean seriously…wouldn't you? Slipping the pyjama bottoms onto his long legs (again, I apologised when I touched his ass…I couldn't help it, don't mock me) and I found my eyes wandering and yet again, I apologised and looked away, my face as red as his hair.

I actually felt turned on by him. Gee, wasn't I a messed up fuck? Getting turned on by a gorgeous, unconscious man…Gah! Roxas! Mind out of the gutter! I felt myself getting hard…my active and somewhat spiteful imagination running its little hateful fantasies through my once thought of straight head.

I wasn't gay, was I? Anyway.

I carried him towards my bedroom. Waking up slightly, he tried to walk with me, but it wasn't helping that much. Dragging him the last bit (again, painful, good thing he was so out of it), I finally managed to get him in my bed, dropping him the last few inches onto the soft blankets.

I grabbed the other blanket I had found (again, why did I have so many? I'm intrigued, sorry) I draped it over his tall body, grateful that my bed was long enough…compared to me, this guy was a freaking giant. Pulling my chair over to the side of the bed, I propped my feet on the mattress, and, covering myself with yet _another_ blanket (seriously, where the hell did I get so many?), I got as comfortable as I could, and finally allowing my eyelids to close, I quickly fell asleep. I hadn't meant to fall asleep that fast…but I couldn't help it.

**Axel POV**

I was warm. That was the first sensation that I felt, in this new world. Oh, and pain. Can't forget about the pain…all over my body, I ached. Where was I? Was I where Roxas was, like I had been sent to be? In fact…why was I sent here again, besides to see my Roxas? I forget, but oh well. Time to find my Roxy-poo! I sat up slowly, trying not to grunt in pain at my stiff joints and sore muscles, and I was doing great until I tried to turn my torso, to swivel around and see who was snoring lightly somewhere to my right."

"Gah, shit!" I croaked in pain. "Shit, shit, shit, shit!" I grabbed my aching side, tears forming involuntarily at the corners of my eyes. I bent over, clutching my aching self, shivering from the pain, and then I moaned, the delicious endorphins running through me, to the place of pain…those things were lifesavers, no joke.

The snoring person? Yeah, they didn't even falter in their sleep. It was dark though, so maybe it was really late at night here? I lay back down, slowly, with more expletives shooting their way like missiles from Xigbar's guns. Closing my eyes, I imagined what it would be like, to be with Roxas again…and with those images soaring beautifully through my head, I fell asleep.

Only to be awoken by a foot kicking me in the leg.

"Roxas!?" I croaked loudly, my beautifully delicious sex dream interrupted by aforementioned, damned foot from hell. Stupid thing! I tried to roll over, like I always do, and just shrug off whoever it was, but the pain in my side erupted, and I suddenly remembered, past the fog and haze of sleep, that I was in fact, in a different world, I almost died, and I still didn't know who rescued me. At my outburst, the snoring stopped, and I had a brief flutter of unease about meeting who saved me. I hoped they spoke my language!

"Oh. Sorry about that." I froze. No way. "I tend to toss and turn in my sleep, hope I didn't hurt you?" No fucking way. I was still dreaming right? I closed my eyes. No, if I was dreaming, he wouldn't be able to talk past a certain piece of equipment that was purely biological, and attached to my body.

"R-Roxas?" my voice, still a bit hoarse, choked out, confusion and hope plain in my voice. Oh please, oh Goddess let it be him. I wanted him so bad…to feel his smaller warmth against me, to feel his touch. I wanted to kiss him, to taste him, Goddess I wanted it so bad, so please, please let it be him! I could feel my world spinning again, and my heart, my brand new heart, was trying to burst its way from my chest.

"How do you know my name?"

My heart fell. Shattered. Broke.

And he stepped on the pieces, the new heart that I had waited for, for so long, the heart that I had wanted so I could love him with all of it.

"Roxas, don't you know who I am?" Why didn't he know me? It was my Roxas, right there, blonde hair sticking up everywhere, beautiful blue eyes staring at me in confusion and a hint of fear (oh how I wanted to kiss the fear away from them!). He looked a bit different than I remembered…he looked fragile. Easily breakable, like my new heart was…

"No…have we met before?"

Is it possible for a heart to break twice? Because I think mine just did. How could he not know me? How could he not remember? How…how could he forget? I could feel my face fall…the mask of joviality and horniness I always felt around this one person, the one being in the universe who had the strength, power, and permission to hurt me as much as he wanted too. And my real emotions showed, and I could feel hurt and anger rising in me, a choking demon. I couldn't breathe, it hurt so badly, the tears were building up.

No. I couldn't let myself break completely. Never, never would I do that, to my Roxas, no matter the changes he had made, or if he remembered me. He was too good, too light for my burdens.

"Roxas…what happened to you?" I couldn't catch my whisper of lament before it left my lips. I had never, ever felt this weak before, this vulnerable. This pain. Roxas looked even more confused, but in his eyes, I could see questions swimming chaotically and violently in that pretty blonde skull of his.

"Who are, how do you know me, and how in the name of all that is holy, how the hell did you get into my apartment?!" Roxas stood up suddenly, and the vulnerable, confused boy I had seen before melted away. Or better yet, hid himself in ice armour. I could almost feel the cold, wafting off of him. He lifted a strange, wooden object threateningly, and I felt like I had seen it before…or something like it.

"Now look here, I helped you out, but I don't know who you are. Or why you're here, and how you know me. SO we can be nice and you tell me or-"

"What happened to your Keyblades!?" Holy shit, it looked like the things had gone through the blender, and then reformed out of wood. Or, they had been made by little kids, with bad carpentry skills and without the patience to make them better.

"What do you mean, what happened to them? They've always looked like this, ever since me and my friends made them for a game we played." Roxas looked quizzical. "I forget the name, Kingdom Stars? Something like that."

"Kingdom Hearts?" I asked, quietly. Now way. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening, this was all a dream. I did not kill myself for that idiot of a Keyblade Master, Sora, defy my Organisation, and fall in love (with a heart now, mind you, that hurt like hell) to deal with this nonsense.

"Yeh! That was it! Those are the only happy memories that I have." he looked rather pleased with himself.

My tears started to leak. Shit Shit SHIT. Those words!! They were almost exactly what he said to me the last time we saw each other, before he disappeared. My mask, what I had resurrected of it for this occasion, fell completely and I knew, my face was twisted in pain, and stricken with hurt.

**Roxas POV**

Shit! He was crying? What the hell? Did the fact that I didn't remember him mean that much, hurt him that much? It gave me a little bit of a warm feeling inside. If I wasn't afraid he was a crazy psycho person with aliens on his side, I might have kissed him or something.

Wait a minute mind of mine. Kissed him? But I wasn't gay…I was really uncomfortable though. Gee, put a boy on the spot, why don't you?

"I bet you're hungry, here, let's go fix you something." I helped him stand, slowly, his warm hands encircling my small, cold ones. Goddess, he was so warm, I just wanted to bury my hands in his hair, and see if it was too and I-

Stop it Roxas! Gah what are you thinking?

I had just cleared my bedroom doorway, when the strange coughing I had had earlier bit its way harshly through my lungs, and a wave of nausea washed over me like a puke filled tide. Black spots, from the lack of breathing hovered over my vision, and I was afraid I was going to pass out, and fall, when those warm hands caught me and held me close to the even warmer body.

"Roxas, Roxas, what's wrong!?" he cried out, his voice still husky from sleep. He, in his pain, had jumped to my rescue, a whole three feet, sore limbs and joints hurting like bitches, I could imagine.

"Let…go…of me…I'm fine!" I waved off the offending and lovely warm hands, and just now did I realise exactly how cold I felt. It was like he was fire, and I was ice, and he was trying his damnedest to melt me.

"You're sure?" Worry and warmth; why was he worrying about me, someone who had hurt him so? And I know I hurt him, my inability to exactly remember him (even though he was sure as hell familiar to me) had totally crushed him…I saw his heart break in his eyes, the pain he had felt was about the closest to my own as I had ever seen in someone else.

"Y-yes I-I'm f-fine." I felt horror wash over my face, and I smacked myself mentally. I stuttered. It was bad enough in front of Namine, she would never tease me but he sure would! "S-Sorry." I pushed myself away, and up off the floor, and started to make my way to the kitchen, but again, the warm hand caught mine.

"Sorry for what? Roxas, what's wrong?" I looked down quickly not wishing to meet his eyes. Well, he had other plans in mind apparently; he cupped my chin in his palm gently, and pulled my face up, my blue eyes meeting his green ones. With a gentle caress, he moved my carefully manipulated bangs out of my face. "Roxas, why are you hiding your beautiful eyes behind your hair?"

It was just too much. The familiarity, the need to feel human contact, the fact he said my eyes were beautiful, I don't know which, but it was all too much. I burst into tears right there, in the presence of a total/not-so-total stranger big fat tears, each one a crystalline version of every little worry, every little mental abuse I had ever abused myself with, and every little worry about someone not loving me. I had never broken down in front of someone, not since my parents died. Even Cloud broke down at that.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" The tears fell down my face, causing my eyeliner to run I bet you! And pooled in his soft hands. "I don't know wh-what's wrong with me!" I tried to turn away, mortified at my weakness, at letting someone see me cry, but his wonderful, strong, soft hands wouldn't let me.

I still tried to pull away though. I didn't want to let this happen! I wanted to be strong, for once, to not let my emotions rule me but they held the reigns too tight…they made it impossible to stop the tears. My vision blurred, and I couldn't make out his face anymore, just the crazy red outline of his hair, and a skin tone smudge where his face had been.

I closed my eyes tight. Oh please, don't let this stranger/not so stranger judge me…he called to me, deep inside there was a piece of me that knew him, deep down inside, and I couldn't bear it if he left. I had known him all of a few hours, and yet, I didn't want him to leave.

Instead of leaving me, and abandoning me like so many others had done, like I would have done, he wrapped his strong arms around me, and I felt a flicker of warmth flare brightly inside, the cold and the numbness departing. The ice surface over my soul cracked, and I gasped slightly in pain. It was the first time in forever that I had felt warmth. The first time since my mother had died that someone held warmth for me.

I felt loved. As crazy as it sounded, I felt loved by this stranger/not-stranger. The piece of me that knew him was crowing in happiness, but the other parts of me, the vast, vast majority of me was scared, skeptical, confused; the sense that this tall redhead would do anything and everything for me settled around me, like warmth from a fire.

I couldn't be loved though, I shouldn't be. I was a nobody, a nothing. The little thoughts came back, the cold and the numbness shooting through me again. They wanted me to pull away, but I wouldn't. For this warmth, in this one moment I would defy them and hold on tight.

**Axel POV**

My new heart was going to burst. I could feel it, the sweet pain that I remembered as a Nobody from when I was a Somebody. My little Roxas, my poor, fragile, broken, _beautiful_ Roxas. I had always had the "memory of feeling" for Roxas, even as a Nobody, but this was so much more, so much stronger.

We stood there in the doorway to his kitchen, just holding onto each other for dear life. I felt that if I let go of him, he would shatter into small pieces right in front of me, my breakable, broken, beautiful Roxas. I knew I would be soon to follow, I would follow him any and everywhere forever. If he broke, so would I.

We finally got tired, and slowly sunk to the floor, the pain in my side making me rest gratefully against the doorframe, his sorrow pulling him down to join me. The warmth I had seemed to finally reach over, and fill him, the tentative then more forceful embrace from him made my heart soar.

I had a quick and disturbing feeling that Roxas, this new Roxas that was most definitely not the spit fire one that I had known, had never before been held like this. It just made me feel bolder, stronger, and I tightened the hold I had on him. In a flash of pure inspiration, and in unthinking abandon, I prepared to make it deeper…

_I hope he doesn't hit me for this, for what I'm about to do._ Just that quick thought before I descended ever so slowly.

**Roxas POV**

So this was what being loved was supposed to feel like? I buried my head into his bare shoulder, and let the tears fall. He smelled like cinnamon I vaguely realised. Cinnamon, and ginger, fiery scents that made me feel comfortable there, in his arms.

I knew deep down that my friends and family loved me. Or at least I think and hoped they did, but this was different. This was something that was so new, so strange, so confusingly unknown that it rocked me to my core, threw my mind into disarray. The cold and numbness disappeared almost completely, retreating to the far corners of my being to sulk. I didn't mind it in the least, I just wanted to never let go. I had beaten them back, this time. This was being loved and knowing it. All other love I had known, and lost, paled in comparison to this…it was scary and wonderful at the same time.

I felt him tighten the embrace, and I tightened my arms around him in agreement. I never, ever wanted to let go of this feeling. I wanted to hold it forever, and have the darkness, the cold and numbness never return. But I had to let go, because I had to feed him…I was raised by a Southern mother, and one thing you learn, you never ever let a guest go hungry. You made sure they were stuffed close to being immobile before they were allowed to leave, and in honour of her, and…love?…for him I would fix the largest meal I could.

Just as I was pulling away, and cleared my eyes with my left hand, Axel grabbed it and pushed it against the wall. I had a quick flash of fear, because he was holding me down now after all, effectively trapping me against the wall that ran next to the doorway. His other hand grabbed my waist, and pushed it too, my back becoming flat and flush against the wall so I was sitting up tall, and I could feel my tear stained eyes go wide. What the hell was he doing?

He was crazy after all? Oh please, that would be too cruel of you, Goddess, to do that to me now…after that hug that was the most epic of all hugs.

A strange look flashed in his green eyes, and his lip curled on the right, a Cheshire Cat smile threatening to break through. Bending down, he laid his lips gently near my ears and whispered to me:

"Calm down…I could never hurt you, ever." softly, quietly, the briefest of whispers. I shivered, the sensation of his soft breath on my neck making me cold, hot, happy, _mad_ for him all in a flash. He chuckled softly, and facing me, his eyes ever so serious, he closed the distance between us.

He _kissed _me, soft lips against my chapped ones. It shot my mind somewhere to the stars, I was totally unable to grasp any coherent thought. It was nothing like my first and last tentative peck on the lips (with Namine, of course, back when she didn't love Riku). I could vaguely feel a hot blush spread across my cheeks and I gasped slightly.

It was love, and devotion, with a touch of obsession all mixed together in a neat little package, a pair of sweet tasting, warm and loving lips, softer than an angel's wing. It was fire, it was light, it was pure love, and I felt that if I could have this in small doses (or large ones preferably) for the rest of my life the darkness, the cold and numbness, would never ever return.

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So! if you're new, please review!! Till next time!! :D


	4. Amaranth

_A.N. Okay hihi everyoooone! Lobers you all, thnx lots for reading, and review!! I want to know if I'm doing okee or if you guys want me to change anything around!!!_

_So I'm going to start mixing in 358/2 and Birth By Sleep, this story is getting longer than I expected lol. _:D_ I read all I could about the plot and characters of the new game, most I'll be doing is mixing in characters, and maybe a little bit of the story from 358/2. _

_The Cassandra Clare quote (it's marked you'll see) is not _my own_. I don't claim ownership to it, at all. That is unless she didn't make it up. If it's just a saying then fuck this disclaimer. _But_ if she did make it up….well here's my disclaimer._

_Oh…and the Auron thing was jus cuz I couldn't think of anyone else. That is all. No Flaming plzzz._

Roxas didn't want to stop, but the need to breathe pulled at his lungs. And he knew, he'd never, ever be able to breath past this kiss. He would have rather suffocated than stop, but Axel didn't have his willpower he had apparently. Pulling away from the small blonde, he gasped, in taking breath sharply, with a wince of pain.

"Omygosh." Roxas breathed out. "Your wounds not completely healed yet is it?"

Axel put on a brave face "No it's fine, really." he paused. "But I am kinda hungry."

Roxas jumped up, but the lack of oxygen (from that o.m.g. kiss of course)made him stagger and almost fall into the wall.

Axel jumped up and grabbed him, steadying the smaller boy. "Thanks." Pushing away, he felt the tall redhead's hand stray. Roxas blushed, heat springing all over from the point that Axel had touched him. _had he really meant to grab my ass? Probably not. Maybe. No he definitely did._ Strange thing was, Roxas enjoyed it immensely.

Weird, or better put _queer_. When did he go and become gay and not tell himself?

He quickly busied himself in the kitchen, grabbing pots and pans and ingredients out of the fridge.

Axel shambled over, leaning against the doorframe to the living room, arms crossed. He looked so manly and purely sexual, Roxas thought. Again he felt a blush rising.

"What ya fixin'?" Axel asked.

"Pancakes. Eggs, bacon, sausage. Biscuits and gravy." He laughed, a truly genuine laugh, one that he hadn't heard uttered from himself in a long ,long time. Axel's expression had turned from aloof observer to ravenous teenage boy in a single second.

Half an hour later, the two boys sat down to a hot breakfast. Flour covered the both of them and most of the kitchen. Flour fight? No clumsiness caused by another brush of a hand to a certain blonde's rear. Axel was still chuckling about it.

"Do you know how we met?" the redhead asked, past a mouthful of pancakes and sausage. Roxas was amazed by how fast he ate. Over half the food was gone in less than a minute.

"No. I have absolutely no memory of you whatsoever." seeing the hurt look on the older boy's face he quickly amended. "Other than a strange…familiarity about you that I can't place."

Axel's expression cleared.

"Well it was your first day at the World That Never Was. First day ever in that damn castle, the one where we all lived."

Roxas looked troubled. "The World That Never Was? That's where the final boss in our game was. The one we all played as kids…we had Riku's dad Sephiroth play the villains."

Axel blinked. "In the…dimension…that I come from everyone you know is there too. Except for you. You disappeared into Sora. And Sephiroth really is a villain there."

"Wait I disappeared into _Sora_!!? That retard?"

"Yeah it's hard to explain but you're his Nobody. Which is made-"

"When someone becomes a Heartless."

"Yeah." Axel smiled, seeing he was getting some good feedback. "Anyway, you disappeared, and I died."

"You died?" Roxas didn't like that image.

"Yeah. Then I woke up in this strange limbo area, and a woman, who called herself Cosmos-"

"She's a goddess!"

"Yeah that's what she said. Anyway she told me some stuff, gave me my heart back-"

"Which is impossible right? Or that's how we made it in the game anyway."

Axel twitched. "Yeah. It is. Anyway she sent me on to here, and I appeared through your kitchen stove, strangely enough. You and Namine of course, must be either really good friends or related to Sora and Kairi. A lot more stuff happened, and then the bad guy was apparently killed and everyone lived happily ever after except me."

"Your not happy here?" Roxas paled. What had he done this time? He thought it was all going okay, thought Axel really -gulp- loved him.

"Yeh, now that I found ya. Anyway back to how we met."

Axel leaned back, and undid the ties on the pajama bottoms. Sighing, he rubbed his stomach, which now had a visible bulge. Roxas couldn't but help stare…those perfect abs and the line of hair just begging him to follow it downward…to other, he was sure, pleasant areas. His memory from the night before was hazy with rushed hurry, so he didn't _quite_ remember well enough about what lay bulging behind the thin fabric of the bottoms. His mind started to wander to areas best left unexplored (but oh, how he wanted to so very badly) when Axel's chuckle startled him from his reverie.

"Liking what your seeing?"

Roxas gulped, his mouth suddenly dry with nervousness. "Truthfully? Yes."

Axel laughed, bending forward and slapping his knee.

"I don't think it's _that_ funny." but Roxas cracked a smile anyway.

"Later, my little lover, later." Axel winked and Roxas blushed yet _again_. Why was he always blushing? It was just…sex. Right?

"It was your first day. You just stood there, empty looking. Xemnas, our leader, had just named you Roxas, which stands for X-Sora."

"So my name isn't even my own?" he didn't like that way that sounded. "What about yours?"

"X-Lea, spelled L E A. not Leah, Lea. Anyway I was put in charge of you, since I'm the most handsome, beautiful, charming, gracious, modest-"

"Modest your not!"

Axel snorted. *"The meek may inherit the earth, but it belongs to the conceited, beautiful, lovely people like me*. I knocked you on the head, and then told you my name. I said, in these exact words, ' Hey, kiddo, my name's Axel. A X E L, got it memorized?'"

It was Roxas' turn to laugh, "You actually said that?"

"Yes. Now shut up and let me continue." Axel ruffled his hands through his spiky hair, and Roxas had the urge to curl his fingers up in it_. No one, male or female, deserved to have this strong of a sexual presence. Ever. Even though I'm enjoying it…_ Roxas thought to himself. "You then smoothly and promptly beat my ass with your Keyblade."

"I thought I had two? That's how we always played the game."

"You didn't when you started. You had Oblivion, which represented Sora's memories for his best friend and I'm convinced lover-"

"Yeah they did all that in high-school. You should have seen them in the shower room. Goddess they were horrid, and our pervy coach Auron (A.N. Sorry!! I couldn't think of anyone else at the moment I wrooote it Forgive Joel plzz???) just stood there and watched. Man they must have given him some good times when he was bored."

Axel did another one of his full body laughs at Roxas' innuendo. "That's _awesome_!"

"Yeah he used to watch our friend Tidus while he looked at himself nude in the mirrors. Goddess the boys I grew up with are perverted. Anyway back to the story!"

"Well…you got your other Keyblade from Xion…"

"Kairi and Namine's sister? She died a while back…raped and murdered by some old guy calling himself King."

Axel blinked again. "I'm sorry. She was one of our friends, you see. She died in our world too."

"How?" Roxas asked. Xion had been a close friend of his.

"You killed her."


	5. Last Resort

A.N. OMG thank you all for the reviews and the hits! I never ever ever thought people would read this ( I think I said that before right?) anyway, I decided to go with the less tragic of the endings I had mapped out, one that'll end happily (maybe?) and will last a lot longer. :D So happiness for all!!

WARNING: If you don't know the plot for 358/2 THIS CHAPTER (and even in later chapters maybe) WILL BE A **SPOILER** TO PART OF THE STORY FOR **358/2 so if you don't know anything about the game or the characters you are warned**!!!!! Oh and this might be the Chappie that I add the yaoi-ness in, instead of my kyoot Shounen-ai fluff from the earlier chapters. Lobbers you all muches for reading!! Remember review review REVIEW!!!!! Or I'll sic mah ninja Jack-o-Lanterns on yall's asses with mah Halloween King powers. Lol j/k but you were warned….

xXxXxXxXxX----------------------------------------------------------------------------XxXxXxXxXx

Roxas' world reeled.

"What?" He whispered, mouth dry. The idea of him killing her…he couldn't take it. "Why the _fucking_ hell would I do that?"

Axel paled, making his red tattoos stand out even more. "You had too, Roxas. She tried to kill you…" He said in a small voice. Roxas could tell he was hiding something.

"What else, Axel!? Why would she attack me in the first place? And you're not telling me something!"

Axel paused. Pursing his lips, he leaned forward and made a steeple with his fingers. Roxas hated it when people did that. It usually meant they were going to talk slowly.

He hadn't felt anger in a long time, and if he hadn't been so pissed, he would've been relieved. He had been so numb for a long time…it was nice to feel emotions besides loneliness and sadness.

"Well," Axel started slowly, and Roxas bristled. "You see, Sora's memories were twisted." He paused, and again, Roxas knew that Axel was keeping something from him. "So to make the -problem- better, Namine trapped him in a lotus shaped suspended animation chamber."

Either Axel stopped, to make things see more dramatic, or he knew Roxas couldn't take the damn slow way of speaking. _Or the memories are painful for him._ His conscious said to him.

But of course, he didn't listen to it. Being so unused to his own emotions, he didn't know when to reign it in.

"Tell me now _damn _it!!" He pounded the table with his fist. "You just accused me of killing one of my best friends and you're telling me a whole bunch of shit about Sora?!"

"Roxas, calm the hell down." Roxas could almost see how much he'd angered Axel. Fire danced in the redhead's eyes, as he sat forward even more. "In my world _everything_ seems to be about that damn brat. I don't really know why," he sat back, crossing his arms over his naked chest, which Roxas didn't even take the time to notice or appreciate fully. "But it does. His memories started leaking out of the lotus. Xemnas, our esteemed and idiotic leader, decided to use the opportunity to create Xion."

"What do you mean, _create_ her?" Roxas asked, sitting down very slowly. He had finally realized what was going on, and had calmed himself down from raging volcano of death from hell to spaghetti sauce on the stove simmer.

"He wanted his own, controllable copy of Sora. So using the leaking memories, he created Xion. The memories of Kairi had always been Sora's strongest, even stronger than his memories for that insufferable bitch Riku-" Roxas had to agree. Even though he had Axel now (wait…was he really going to finish that? Was Axel really _his_?) It still pissed him off about Namine. "- so Xion took on Kairi's appearance. That's why, apparently, they're sisters in your world."

Roxas thought back to the game they had played as kids. Xion hadn't played with them then, she had been sick most of her childhood. Even though they all loved her, she hadn't been all…there sometimes, as if she was missing something inside. True, she was smart enough, and stable, but she had been the weakest of the triplets. However, there had just been something missing….

"She joined the Organization, and was introduced as a regular Nobody, but we could all tell there was something off about her. Like there was something--"

"Missing?" Roxas asked quietly.

Axel nodded "Yeah. Of course _you_ befriended her, just the same as you befriended Naminé so fast when you met her later. It was the part of Sora in you calling to the part of Kairi in them. I, of course, being the beautiful, charming young man that I am, "Roxas snorted, and Axel shot him a peeved look, " befriended her also."

"Sounds nice." Roxas reached over the table and grabbed Axel's hand. He had a sudden craving for another person's warmth. "Even though she was -off- inside she was my closest friend next to Naminé. I guess it would be nice to have my two favourite people with me."

Axel looked supremely pleased. "I'm one of your favourite people? And I guess this means you've calmed down?" He stared pointedly at their intertwined hands.

"Yeah, I guess it does…" Roxas chuckled slightly. Why did this person, _how _did this person, make him feel? This warmth…it practically permeated the air around Axel, as if he were cloaked in flames. Roxas, of course didn't notice the slight burn marks in the shape of Axel's hand on the table.

"Good, 'cause honey, here's the bad part." Pulling Roxas close to him, he sat him on his lap. Roxas flinched, but allowed Axel to wrap his warm, muscled arms around his shoulders. Leaning in, he laid his head on Axel's chest, the same way that he'd seen Kairi sit with Sora. Snuggling in, he let out a soft sigh of contentment, which surprised him.

The loud _thump-thump-bathump_ resonating from Axel's chest was soothing. The sound of the soft breathing and the feel of that breath on his neck and hair lulled him close to sleep. Had it really been only a day since Axel appeared? That strange familiarity had made it seem like they'd been together (wait…were they together?) forever.

"What's the bad part?"

"Xemnas ordered her to kill you. See, he believed that if she killed you - Sora's nobody - she'd stabilize and become a true copy of Sora. He convinced her, and she listened." Roxas stiffened. "She'd already started to degrade, Roxas. There wasn't much of the Xion we knew left."

"So how-when…did I kill her?"

"Well you two were fighting it out with your Keyblades-"

Roxas pulled away. "She had a Keyblade? Oh wait, duh, she was 'Sora' so of course she would never mind." He snuggled back in, and let the sound of Axel's heart and breathing lull him into contentment.

"Yeah. You, of course, didn't want to and you kept trying to get her to stop. Right as she was going to kill you, she checked the blow and came to her senses…and you hit her. Instead of her absorbing you, you absorbed her and got Oathkeeper."

"Which represented the memories of Kairi, right?"

"Yeah. You left the Organization then, upset and wondering. That was the only thing that cramped our relationship. Well that and…"

"And what?"

"Well when you left and I had been ordered to kill you."

Roxas rounded on Axel. "_What_?!"

"Yeah…I wasn't gonna tell you, love, but I felt like I had too."

"What else weren't you going to tell me? Anything else you'd like to share?" _Ha! He lied to you, in a way you know. He may be lying about he feels for you, ya know Roxy-poo!_

Roxas blinked, tears forming at his eyes. The damned voice was right…how could he be _sure_??

"Well it was Namine's fault that Sora had to be locked away. She had been ordered to."

Roxas went cold. Struggling off his perch on Axel's lap, he stumbled away, knocking over a chair and some plates that were precariously stacked off the table in the process.

"Roxas, what's wrong?" Axel tried to stand up.

"Naminé wouldn't do that ever. Don't you _dare_ talk about her that way. And why didn't you tell me that before, about you being sent to _kill_ me? Ya know, when you're telling me this story?"

"It's not a story, Roxas." Axel had gone quiet. "Do you think I _wanted_ to? Especially when I lo-" Axel stopped, uncomfortably.

"Love me, right? Was that what you were going to say?" Roxas laughed - a cold dark laugh of hurt and bewilderment. Axel however, took it as a mocking one. (A.N. Boy Roxas needs to practice more, fer sure?)

Axel's face hardened. "No." Roxas could hear cold rage burning in his voice. "I was going to say when I _looked down_ on you so much, it would have been belittling to me."

Roxas just stared. And stared. Tears were starting to erupt from his eyes…pouring down his cheeks in uncontrollable torrents.

"How…how could you s-say that…I th-thought…" he never finished though. Running from the room, he quickly locked himself in the bathroom.

Reaching into the cabinet, he pulled out the razor. It appeared to be time to start on the next letter.

O.

XXXXXXXXXX

Axel watched as the only person he'd ever loved ran away. He couldn't believe his temper…it raged up, burning white-hot and he just shot out…it's what he was used to. Banging on the locked door, he yelled to the unresponsive boy on the other side.

"Roxas! I didn't mean it!" He didn't hear anything on the other side of the door. "I truly didn't, honest! I was mad, I thought you were making fun of me, and I got mad! I'm so sorry. Roxas answer me!"

He didn't get a response from the inside at all. He hadn't heard anything from in there at all…not a sob or anything.

_Had he actually cried himself to sleep?_ Axel didn't think that he had gotten much sleep the night before…that chair hadn't been very comfortable he knew it couldn't be.

Axel had a sudden flash of insight. This Roxas…was so much sadder than the one he knew. So much more lonely. And there was something that flashed in his memory…something silver on Roxas' arm…

_Scars. _The damn emo cuts himself!

Axel started to panic. Beating more furiously on the door, he yelled. "Roxas I swear to the Goddess that if you've gone and hurt yourself I'll…I'll…I don't know what I'll do! But I _will_ do something!"

A small chuckle resounded from inside and Axel heard a soft murmur.

"I think I cut myself too deeply this time…" Again, the weak chuckle, "I guess I won't get to finish my suicide note after all…"

The door became matchwood in Axel's eyes. Placing a hand on each side of the door, he willed it to do what wood does best.

_Burn._


	6. Breathe No More

_A.N. Okay so this is just to say, again, thank you all! Oh and, umm, I'm banning myself from the internet for a while. Damn things so addictive, and I _have_ to work on my story more. I got 600 pages to do by Thanksgiving. Yeh, I said 600 pages. =_.

_So anyway, we see Roxas has cut himself, starting on the letter O. I had like 3 possible ending to this story, just from that last chapter…each of varying length. To I picked the middle road, and chose the medium length one. Which means, honeybunches, this will probably either by the second to last chapter or the third to last one. _

_Yeh I know. I can hear the screams of outrage and the sobs of sorrow. Lol. I decided _not_ to do any smut in this one. For smut, you'll have to wait till I get started on my next story, "Fire and Ice." which was originally going to be AkuRiku, but I think I'll make it Zemyx. I have no idea really. Oh and in case your wondering, my chapter titles are songs. Mostly Evanescence, but some by other bands (like __Amaranth__ [Nightwish, idk y I chose it] and __Last Resort__ [Papa Roach, again idk y I chose it really])_

Umm warning: sweetness and love prevailing. Tragedy that'll make you cry your heart out amongst black emo tears maybe. Idk you'll have to read to find out.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters here. Even though I wish I owned a certain few…heh heh heh….*koff* Axel and or Roxas *koff*

_XXXXXXXXXX_

Roxas woke up later, his last memory of accidently cutting himself too deeply. He blinked, his vision blurry, and took a small, quick breath.

Cinnamon and gingersnaps. That's what he was smelling. Confusion washed over his sleep fogged mind. Where was the smell coming from? Was Axel _baking _or some-

Axel. The redhead's name stirred an uncomfortable memory. Roxas felt a lump in his throat, and his breath hitched with a sob, pain from unshed tears burning his throat.

Trying to move out from under the very warm thing wrapped around his waist, he was about to brusquely shove whatever-the-hell-it-was off when he heard-

A snore.

Shock flashed through his mind like purple lightning (A.N. why purple you may ask? It's my favourite colour so stfu. And I _felt _like adding it, so there.) turning quickly, tears making his vision blurry, he stared at what met his eyes.

The warm thing? Axel's arm. The snore? From Axel, who was curled up asleep behind him.

The smell of cinnamon and ginger? Roxas bent forward, slowly and carefully, tears forgotten, as he smelled Axel's hair. His eyes closed, and he breathed it in again. Cinnamon. He smelled Axel's cheek, searching for the gingersnappy smell.

The dang asshole smelled like a Christmas bakery. Sexy, smart, funny, and he naturally _smelled_ good. What the hell?

Axel woke up, jumping when he saw Roxas' face so close to his. Quickly recovering, he kissed Roxas on the lips, one of his large hands cupping the younger blonde's face.

Roxas smacked it away, and pushed himself of the bed.

"What the hell do you think your doing in my bed?" he demanded past the lump that had reformed in his throat.

"I-" Axel seemed to stumble over what he wanted to say, before he was quickly cut off by Roxas.

"YOU WHAT?!" Roxas yelled hoarsely. "And how they hell did you get the door open? I locked the damn thing. And then I-"

"You couldn't open it. You passed out from blood loss." Axel sat up, and Roxas felt a flutter of butterflies in his stomach. Squishing them all cruelly, he stepped back as Axel jumped off the bed and walked towards him.

"You fucking cut yourself. A bit too deeply might I add. I had a hell of a time stopping the blood flow." he gestured to Roxas' bandaged arm. "and what exactly is A L U supposed to stand for?"

"Quit asking stupid questions!" Roxas had a brief thought. _U? it was supposed to be a damn O!_

"Look." Axel said softly. Slamming his hands against the wall, he trapped Roxas in a corner. Roxas looked down, refusing to meet the green eyes of the redhead. "Look at me, Roxas!" Axel yelled.

Roxas shot his head up, tears falling down his cheeks. clenching his fists, he met those bright green eyes.

Axel's expression softened. "Look…I'm sorry for what I said. I have a really bad temper…and you hurt me when you laughed at me." bending down again, he whispered in Roxas' ear. "I was going to say 'I love you.'" nuzzling the side of the blonde's neck with his nose, he leaned back and noticed the blonde boy's facial expression.

"I'm sorry if you don't believe me about Namine. But she did do it," he lifted up a finger at Roxas, who was about to yell again. "But she didn't do it because she wanted to. She was forced to, Roxas. She fixed everything in the end. She's a strange Nobody, she felt guilty for what she did."

Roxas snapped his mouth shut. Sounded like Namine alright. She felt guilty for stepping on bugs. He couldn't imagine how guilty she'd feel if she actually tried to destroy someone's memories like that.

"I'm sorry. Namine is a sore subject with me. But that doesn't make it better, Axel." he looked down again.

"Why did you cut yourself? And what does A L U stand for?" he pulled Roxas into his arms, and together they collapsed onto the bed.

Roxas felt distracted for a minute. Those butterflies were back with reinforcements.

"It's hard to explain…" he started, burying his face in Axel's chest, his ear being tickled by Axel's armpit hair.

"Tell me. You can tell me anything." Axel whispered softly. "You're the only person I'm like this around…usually people think I'm a cocky, arrogant bastard. I let myself out when I'm with you, kiddo."

He pulled Roxas' face up to meet his eyes. "I told you something about me, now tell me about you. It's only fair." he said, wagging his finger.

"Well…it's supposed to be an 'O', not a 'U'." he mumbled.

Axel looked confused. "A L O ?"

"Yeh." Roxas nodded, and buried his face back into Axel's chest, breathing the gingersnap smell in. "First three letters of 'Alone'."

"Why are you cutting 'Alone' into your skin?"

"Look I'd rather not talk about it, okay?" Roxas pushed himself away. "If you're going to stay, we need to get you some more clothes besides those jammy bottoms and your leathers, which are ruined by the way."

Axel jumped up, and grabbed Roxas' hand. "Your changing the subject. But your right. As comfy as these are," he pointed down at his bare chest, "This shouldn't be let loose on the world. I'd be chased to no extent." he grinned.

Roxas cracked a small smile. "Yeh, I know."

Xxxxxxxxx

Hours later, Roxas realized something very important.

Axel was worse than a _girl_ when it came to shopping. He wanted _everything _and he wanted Roxas opinion on it too.

"How does this look?" he came out of the dressing room, and modeled his new outfit. A pair of Tripp pants, fishnet undershirt, and a black, flame-covered tee.

"Sexy." Roxas nodded. "I approve whole-heartedly."

Axel pouted. "That's what you always say."

Roxas gestured to the large pile of mostly black clothes. "Well you do. Let's just get it all."

Axel looked peevishly at the tags. "Are you sure you can afford all of this?"

Roxas chuckled. "My idiot of a brother gave me one of his credit cards for clothes. And I have a lot of money, anyway."

Charging the large purchase to his brother's card, they quickly walked towards the shoe store. Axel was crammed into a pair of Roxas' converse, and had complained about them all day.

As soon as they walked in, Roxas felt a tinge of danger.

"Only two pairs!" he yelled at the gleeful redhead. "Goddess your ridiculous."

Two pairs of shoes and roughly two hundred dollars later, they sat down to greasy food at the food court. There were bags everywhere…full of Axel's new wardrobe.

"I think we need to get you a job." Roxas said, paling when he thought of Cloud's response to the day's spending. "What are you good at?"

"Ohmygosh this is good. Umm…" Axel thought as he slurped up a chocolate smoothie. "Assassination?"

"Nope can't legally do that here sorry."

"Espionage?"

"You'd have to go through a lot of training and we'd never be able to see each other again."

"Ninja?"

Roxas glared at the redhead and then realized he was serious. "Nope, wrong country and era."

Axel thought some more. "Well that one lady said I'd make a good model. Whats a model?"

Roxas choked on his strawberry smoothie. "They don't have models where you come from?"

"No. they don't have 'malls' either."

Roxas looked dumbfounded. "Okay well a model is someone who shows of clothes or a product for a company while people take pictures of them."

"Sounds boring. What's a porn star? That one guy said I could be one of those too."

Roxas choked on his smoothie so hard Axel had to thump him on the back. "They have sex with people on camera."

"Oh sounds fun. But only if it was you, that is. I'm not a cheater." Roxas froze.

"What do you mean?" _Surely he doesn't mean…or could he?_

"Well us," Axel looked at Roxas confused. "Aren't we together?"

Roxas looked at the beautiful redhead. "Well I-I…" he gulped. "Why would you be with someone like me? You're too good for someone like me." he looked down, blushing in embarrassment.

"What the hell do you me-" Axel was interrupted by an obnoxious voice across the court.

"ROXY!! OVER HEEEEERE!!!!" Sora called out from another table waving like the retard he was. Roxas' head shot up, so fast he felt his neck pop. _Ow…_

Sora, Kairi and Namine were all sitting at a large table, Riku standing by the counter apparently waiting on their food. Kairi waved, and Namine started rummaging in her bag.

Axel looked over, and choked on his super-duper sundae. "Oh man that idiot ruins everything." looking to Roxas, he put on a serious face. "You _will_ explain to me about this later." he said as Roxas walked towards his friends.

Sora jumped up, and immediately glomped the blonde. Kairi stood up, and quickly hugged him, pecking him on the cheek. Sora started to fume at that, and Kairi turned to him with a grin on her face. _Hmm…maybe absence does make the heart grow fonder? Because before, they wouldn't have even waved or cared._ Namine stood back, looking down.

"Hey, Namine." Roxas walked over, ignoring the fuming Sora. Riku was looking their way, and then with a turn of his head, looked back towards the attendant at the food stand, his silver hair flying.

"Hello, Roxas." holding out her hands she handed him a rolled up piece of paper. "Here's your drawing." looking up she smiled, and as Roxas took the picture, he noticed the large diamond winking on her ring finger.

"How are you, Namine?" he was still ignoring Sora and Kairi, both of whom were now cracking up with the giggles.

"I'm fine. Look, Roxas," grabbing his hand, she looked up at him. Roxas was confused.

Any other time, he would have been nervous. But not now…the butterflies didn't come like they used to. "Kairi told me how you felt about me…I'm so sorry Roxas!" She sat down, and he followed suit, stealing a chair from the next table. "I feel so bad, not noticing all these years! I-"

"It's okay, Namine. As long as your happy…I'm okay honestly." he fake-smiled.

"But I hurt you!" she sniffled.

"I'm better. I wallowed in pity already." he stood up. "I have company, a…friend…is staying over so I'm okay, really." he started to walk away, when she cought his arm.

"Roxas, why is your arm bandaged." As he was busy thinking up an excuse, he was saved by Riku.

"Hey, Rox. Idiot and his girlfriend!" he called, "Food's here!"

Sora stopped giggling and started tearing into a large pile of food. He had gotten his own _tray…_ Roxas waved goodbye and walked away while the rest of the gang started on their food.

"How'd it go?" Axel asked, already half through with his third hamburger.

"Better than I expected. Let's go home, you can finish eating there."

Axel stood up, shoving the rest of his hamburger into his mouth, while dumping the rest of the packaged food into the bag of shoes. Carrying his large plate of chili n' cheese fries, he piled bags onto his free arm.

Roxas grabbed the rest of the bags, and with a quick wave to his friends, walked out of the mall.

"Their totally dating." Kairi pointed to the retreating boys.

Sora choked on a hot-dog. "Nuh uh!" he stared wide eyed at Roxas' back.

Namine smiled. "As long as he's finally happy…he's been alone too long." Riku wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

xxxxxxxxxxx


	7. I'm Not Okay I Promise

_A/N : Okay so….this is going to be along chapter. I lied last time, you'll get 2 more chapters after this one. I decided to definitely go smut free (sorry, I enjoy it as much as you do) nd go more with the tragic-romance. I like tragic romance :9_

_Anyway…I mixed a certain Cetra in the story more…and gave some references to her certain Soldier (if you don't know what I'm saying that's fine.) I don't own Final Fantasy Seven, unfortunately. So she might be OOC, sorry if she is. Thank you all for reading…this story is helping me explore my own emotions a lot more than I expected…of course I don't have a redhead to come popping out of my stove to help me out like lucky Roxy-poo does, but oh well. Them's the breaks._

_Warning: Language and LOVE_

_Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, just like writing about 'em. I HEART you forever, Square Enix and Nomura. _

_Special Thanks: CANDY~CHAN!! Ty sooo much for agreeing to read!!! And g.h.s.x….next story is all yours, if that offer is still valid? _

The drive home was…interesting. Axel had been so busy thinking about what he wanted to buy he hadn't looked at his surroundings much. Roxas laughed on the inside. Axel had his face pressed to the window like an overexcited child, asking questions about _everything_. Whatever dimension he was from must have been pretty damn boring.

"What's that?"

"Wal-mart. Gigantic grocery store." they had made a stop there of course…Axel ate so much Roxas was afraid they'd run out of food.

And of course Axel bought more stuff. Gel, mousse, and a whole lot more hair stuff. Crazy amounts of snack-food and soda.

"Hey where's the ice-cream section?"

"Why?" Roxas asked cautiously. He was never, _ever_, taking Axel to the store again. They already had two carts of food. He ate as much as Sora, and that was saying something

something.

"Sea-salt ice cream of course!" Axel rolled his eyes, as if it was a no-brainer. "We always ate sea-salt ice cream!"

"Never heard of it." Roxas shook his head, but was distracted by a college chick approaching. "Can I help you?" he asked tersely. He had a headache, and he felt really hot…

"Hi!" the perky idiot said, ignoring the small blonde. "My name's Selphie!" she advanced on Axel. "Now, I don't think I've ever seen you around here before. Why not ditch your little friend here and hang out with me?" she grabbed Axel's arm, trying to pull him away.

Roxas just stared, shocked. His jaw hit the floor, however by someone's reaction.

"Hey slut, get your STD filled hands of his arm."

The world seemed to freeze. Roxas then realized, _he_ had spoken.

Axel laughed. Draping his arm over Roxas' shoulders, he glared at Selphie. "Yeh, bitch go give yourself to some other guy that's not taken."

Grumbling something about hostile gays, the chick disappeared around the corner, grabbing a tub of ice cream on her way.

Axel nuzzled Roxas' cheek. "Possessive much?" he asked, chuckling as he searched in vain for sea-salt ice cream.

"I-I-I." Roxas couldn't seem to get it out. He stood there, while Axel added tub after tub of different flavored ice cream to the cart, mouth flapping like a caught fish. "I-I-I…"

"You stood up for me, is what _you_ did." stepping closer to Roxas, he again draped his arm over the smaller boys shoulders. "You, my valiant knight in emo armor, chased off a 'threat' to our relationship." steering Roxas towards the checkout, the blonde still stuttering.

Roxas somehow managed to fit all the new food into his small apartment. They had to eat some of the ice cream, however. And most of the food in the fridge. And a lot of the older food from the cabinet.

He'd never felt so full…now he knew what human sacrifices felt like, being fed their last meal before dying to appease a god. He was being fattened up, surely.

He groaned when he realized how much working out he'd have to do to make sure he didn't get fat.

Axel burped loudly. "Excuse me." he laughed, and hiccupped. "Damn it now I have the hiccups."

Roxas laughed. "Serves you right." he gasped out. "You ate twice as much as I did. How the hell do you hold it all?"

"Practice." Axel said, hiccupping and then belching loudly again. "Ah I don't want to eat another bite…"

Noticing a lone French-fry, Axel grabbed it and stuffed it in his mouth. Swallowing slowly he met Roxas' glare with a look of innocence. "I couldn't let it go to waist!"

_Correction, he eats _more_ than Sora._ Roxas thought to himself. _He just ate more than a third-world country eats in a month_. Rubbing his stretched tummy, Roxas sighed.

Standing up ever so slowly, Axel grabbed the bag of hair-care products they had bought. "I'm going to go take a shower." winking at the blonde he asked, "Wanna come join?"

Roxas blushed. "Umm…I'll pass, okay?"

Axel shrugged. "Whatever floats your boat's fine with me. Next time."

Roxas listened while Axel loudly started a shower, and even more loudly sang in it. Roxas had never heard the song before. Which made sense, since Axel wasn't form this world…the thought still seemed strange to him.

"_When you walk away,_

_You won't hear me say;_

_Please, oh baby, don't go._

_Simple and _CLEAN buahahaha!!!

_Is the way that your making me feel tonight."_

Somehow Roxas very much doubted that yelling 'clean' and then laughing maniacally was part of the song. He listened, as Axel started the song again. He actually had a really nice voice, even though the song seemed a bit sad, which didn't fit Axel at all. Roxas liked it.

Axel ran into the room, rummaging through bags. Roxas' jaw hit the floor as he took in the full of Axel's body.

The redhead had totally run out of the bathroom without clothes.

"Forgot my clooothes Roxy-poo. Nothing to worry about." he singsonged.

Running back to the bathroom, he appeared a few minutes later, hair still dripping.

Roxas laughed. "Your hair! It's so…"

"Different? Yeh, I know." smiling ruefully, Axel sat down, running his fingers through his long hair. "I'm not going to bother to spike it for a while. All that gel and hair shit hurts after a while."

Roxas liked Axel's hair this way. Straight and fiery, it fell down past his shoulders in a crimson curtain. Shaking his hair out, Axel splashed Roxas with water droplets.

"Quit staring. Let's do the dishes." he stood up, grabbing a large pile. "I know I'm beautiful, but shucks, you make me feel like a god or something." laughing he quickly filled the sink with water. Roxas remembered his little joke about being fattened up like a sacrifice. Laughing nervously he stood up grabbing plates and pans.

"That song you were singing…" Roxas asked, while he brought the rest of the dishes over. They had used almost all of his dishes just for a meal.

Roxas was not looking forward to his water bill.

"Yeh, what about it?" scrubbing melted cheese off of a bowl, he handed it to Roxas who dried and stacked the bowl onto the drying rack. He should invest in a dishwasher…maybe…looking at the dishes left he nodded mentally. Definitely.

"It's beautiful. Who wrote it?"

"Oh, a friend of ours from the Organization. Demyx, the Melodious Nocturne. He wrote it as a love song for Zexion."

"Oh. He's good." Roxas accepted the pile of plates Axel passed him, and quickly dried them off.

"Yeh. They both died…I miss them a lot."

"I'm sorry." Roxas placed his hand on Axel's arm. "I hate it when people close to you die…"

"Yeh it must've been hard on you when Xion died. You were just a kid."

"Well yeah, her. Mine and Cloud's parents died a few years ago too." Roxas laughed darkly. "Even though I was really sad about it, and it still hurts…at least I know their together. Like I'm sure Zexion and Demyx are."

Axel turned to face Roxas, and Roxas wiped the lone tear form Axel's green eyes.

"I'm sorry." Axel said hoarsely, turning back to the dishes.

"It's okay. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't have been able to afford any of your stuff."

Drying off the last dish, Roxas clapped his hands. "Enough of that. What do you want to do now? I need to study…but I don't feel like it right now." Walking form the kitchen, he stepped into his bedroom to grab his textbooks. He _really_ didn't feel like it. He was still really hot, and his tummy ached. "But I might as well."

Axel wagged his eyebrows. "There's always _one _thing we could do." Tackling the smaller boy, they landed with a loud _oof!_ onto the bed. Pinning Roxas underneath him, he quickly and ferociously started kissing him, along his jaw line, all over his face.

Roxas gasped as Axel undid the buttons on his shirt, kissing quickly and hardly at the smaller boys chest, reaching for Roxas' pants. Grabbing Axel's hand, he pushed the redhead off.

"No." he gasped out, barely a whisper. A fit of coughing took him, and he sat there, hugging himself tightly as Axel kneeled on the edge of the bed, looking at him in concern and confusion.

The coughing fit lasted for a long time, and when it stopped, Roxas sat there gasping for breath, tears running down his face. A look of almost comical horror washed over his face. Running to the bathroom, he quickly disposed of that night's dinner.

Head hanging above the toilet, he whimpered as he noticed all of the half-digested food. Axel ran into the room, and wetting a wash-cloth with cold water, he placed it on the back of Roxas' neck. When he noticed how much Roxas was sweating, he quickly wiped his face, murmuring soothingly as Roxas again retched up more.

"What's wrong with me?" Roxas whimpered in between retching.

Axel just sat there on the tub, wiping Roxas with the wet cloth, cooling him off and calming his body as it purged itself. Starting a bath, he again started to undo Roxas' clothes.

"How can you think of _sex_ after I just threw up?" Roxas weakly demanded.

"Yeh right," Axel snorted, "I'm starting a cool bath for you, love. Your burning up! Why didn't you tell me you didn't feel good?" he asked, concern written plainly on his face.

"I didn't really…just a little hot..."

Placing his forehead against the blonde's, Axel whistled. "You have a pretty high fever, if my body temp is normal. Do you have any potions around?" he asked, as he helped the now naked Roxas into the bath. Roxas shivered. He knew it couldn't be that cold, but it felt icy to him.

Teeth chattering, he shook his head. "I used the last of the medicines Aerith made on you." he chuckled. "I have a lot of loose herbs and fresh ones on the balcony, but I don't know how to use them all. Their all marked, and there's a book that Aerith made telling me how to use some of them."

"I wouldn't be able to recognise them anyway, judging by the plants I saw. Your herbs are way different than ours. I'm pretty sure what I mean by _potions_ is different than what you mean."

Roxas looked around, embarrassed slightly by having Axel sit there on the floor, holding his hand while he lay _naked_ in the bathtub. With the smell of vomit permeating the air.

"Hey. Where's the bathroom door?" he asked, confused.

"Umm well you see…I burned it down when you were in here last night bleeding to death." Axel said in a rush. "Sorry, I had to get to you fast."

"_You burned my bathroom door down?"_ Roxas asked confused and stunned. "How the hell is that possible?"

Cupping his hands together, Axel concentrated and then breathed softly into them. Orange fire leaped forth, and Roxas felt his eyes grow big.

"I can control fire. Make it, put it out and so on. It's my closest friend after you." he smiled. "I'm going to go see if I can figure out what to use, be right back." Running from the room, he turned around and faced Roxas. "No getting up. And try not to fall asleep until I get back, I don't want to have saved you from bleeding out to lose you to drowning." Running back to the smaller boy, he kissed him softly on the head.

"I'll be right back."

Roxas looked stunned as he watched the redhead leave the room. _Sexy, smart, funny, naturally smells good, and he has magical powers. What a catch._ he thought to himself, sardonically. _Wait… did I catch him? After all this I'm still not sure. Why would he want to be with someone useless like me? Someone who's a nothing, a nobody in all terms of the word?_

The pain in his chest started again, the one he got whenever he was really depressed. Trying not to sob, he hugged himself tightly, shivering ever so slightly in the water.

"Here, chew these. Chamomile, feverfew, comfrey, peppermint, horehound and some other stuff. I don't know how good it'll taste but it should help if what she wrote is right." Roxas obediently chewed the herbs, which didn't taste all _that_ bad. Axel stood him up carefully, and dried him off head to toe. Wrapping him in a comforter, he carried him bridal style to the bedroom.

Laying Roxas down, who now felt tired and sleepy and warm, he quickly stripped of his clothes. In his boxers, Axel grabbed more blankets, and curled his long frame around the smaller boy.

Hugging Roxas close to himself, he whispered to the drowsy boy, who was quickly nodding off. "Just sleep now. In the morning, if your still feeling bad, I have a trick that I want to try."

"Mmkay…" Roxas mumbled, sleep quickly taking over.

Morning came too soon, and Axel opened his eyes. The bed was wet, he noticed. His first thought was Demyx must have soaked him as a prank in the middle of the night…when he remembered where he was exactly. Sitting up quickly he realized why the bed was wet.

"Oh my Goddess Roxas!" the young boy was sweating profusely, and Axel laide his hand on the blonde's head.

It burned, hotter than anything Axel had felt before. Since he controlled fire, anything fire related felt pleasingly warm to him. Now he understood what it felt like to be burned.

"Ngh…" Roxas moaned turning in his sleep.

Axel started to panic. What the hell was he supposed to do? Those damn herbs didn't work…

Aerith. She had to be able to help!

Running to the bookcase, he grabbed the notebook she had written the herbal info in. Praying like a clergyman, he searched fitfully through it, hoping beyond hope that there was a full name, number, _anything_ he could use to reach her.

Flipping through the pages, he almost dropped the book when he heard someone approaching behind him.

"A-Axel…I don't feel so good…" Roxas stood there panting, sweat pouring all over him.

Axel walked quickly to him, grabbing him as he stumbled and fell. Catching him before he hit the floor, Axel laid him down gently, grabbing pillows off of the couch. He looked down in shock at the large, red stain he saw on the cushion, and a flash of memory struck him like pink lightning (A.N. haha I used _pink_ this time, gotta love me :9), one of a sudden, terrible pain. Then he had seen Roxas' face…he'd thought he'd died or something.

Shaking his head, and causing his now semi-fluffy hair to swirl around him like a red wave, he resumed his search.

Shouting out loud with triumph, he held up a business card.

_Gainsborough-Fair Flowers_

_Rare and Exotic Blooms for Your Every Need_

(671)-943-1157

Grabbing the receiver off the hook, he quickly dialed.

"Gainsborough-Fair Flow-" greeted a calm, kind voice.

"Is this Aerith?" he asked urgently.

"Yes," a pause, "How can I help you, Axel?"

"My names A-" he stopped himself short. "Wait how did you know my na-"

"Roxas is sick right? Don't worry honey, I'm on my way." she quickly hung up, and Axel stared at the phone in shock. Dropping it quickly, he picked up his Roxas and placed him on the couch. Running to the bedroom, he quickly changed the sheets out.

_Ohmygod. That was weird._ he though as he ran back to get Roxas and lay him down on the more comfortable bed.

_A/N :P I thought the psychic kick would help make her more…magical than a regular chick with a thing for plants. that's just me though. Remember, review, review, review!! Hearts to all._


	8. I'm So Sick

_A/N Kyaa!! Second to last chappie!! Wewt! Anyway, do this is where your going to hate me but it all get's better at the end….so you have to read it all through no matter how much you hate the way this'll go. I've already started on my next story, which is a lot less emo and a lot more Dexion. :9 go vote on my poll, I have no clue what to name it. Oh and this chapter name is I'm So Sick, by Flyleaf. Last chapter was a song by My Chemical Romance. I just wanted to add that (like my pink and purple lightning)._

_Did I spoil it? I hope not. Oh and Candy-chan this isn't the one you read. That one sucked ass. Badly._

_Disclaimer: Same as last chapter._

_Warning: um I think there's language is don't remember really._

Aerith bustled into the apartment, the rain falling outside dripping off of her umbrella. Shaking herself off, she handed Axel a large, and rather heavy, bag.

"Goddess, awful weather we're having. And it was so nice yesterday." she smiled, and patted his cheek. "Hello dear. How did you get here? Dark portal? Ray of light? Explosion of dust and moonbeams?" she chuckled.

"How-how do you know about that?" he asked, ushering her into the bedroom.

"Hmm." she murmured as she sat next to Roxas, placing one hand on his chest and the other on his head. "Oh my. He's pretty bad. The herbs you gave him yesterday aren't working properly right? Dark portal, I think."

"

What? Wait. Yes, the herbs didn't seem to work. What's wrong with him?" he paused. "And how-"

"How do I know so much?" she giggled. "Honey I'm a wicked witch of course!" laughing, she rummaged around in her bag. "The Goddess, see, she did the same thing for me she did for you. I died on my world…" she paused, her hand still rummaging as if it had a mind of it's own. Looking far off, Axel supposed, remembering her past. "Anyway, she brought me here to be with my Zack."

"Hmm…you gave him the right herbs, but he needs a little bit of magyck with them." Pulling out a slightly glowing bottle, she unstoppered it and poured the entire contents into Roxas' mouth.

Axel gasped, a ragged and worried sound. It felt like a burden had been lifted of his shoulders.

Roxas' face had cleared. Placing his hand on Roxas' head, Axel was stunned. The fever was completely gone…broken with one bottles-

"One bottle's contents? Yes, he's not life-threatening ill anymore. Still sick, he just won't die now." Smiling brightly, she stood up. Clapping her hands to get his attention, she quickly ordered, "Grab all of the plants off of the balcony and bring htem in here. It's a good thing he took care of them like I said."

Quickly complying, Axel lugged all of the potted herbs and flowers into the room.

"What-"

"Are they for? Some of these herbs naturally kill germs with their fragrance. And others help them. Lavender," she lifted a small, bushy plant. "is amazing. The scent calms and soothes, and it's good for the overall health of the spirit."

Her whole mind reading thing is getting a bit anno-

"Annoying? That's what Zack says. Good thing he's so devoted to me. If he ever thought of another woman…" she paused for emphasis. "Let's just say, I really will turn into a wicked witch." she smiled brightly, and sat next to Roxas.

Her dimples are pretty good at hiding her fan-

"Boy, don't you finish that." Axel thought a few choice words at her. "And don't cuss at me, either. You should be kissing my married ass for coming here today." brushing her hands off, she gathered her bag. Handing him a sachet, she quickly grabbed her umbrella.

"Put that around his neck, like a necklace. It has herbs that will help his breathing. Oh, and here." Reaching into her pocket, she handed him a small bottle. "If, in the very unlikely circumstance his fever comes back, give him this." halfway out the door she paused. Turning towards him, she grinned.

"Your very welcome, Axel. See, not that wicked of a witch." closing the door. She leaned against it and sighed.

"Goddess. I'll never be able to go around them again, will I? He has such a sexual presence to Roxas…I'll have to deal with theirs and Cloud and Leon's fantasies in my head." Turning to face the closed door, she quickly drew a sign against evil. "I hope Roxas realizes soon what he's got in there"

Walking down the steps, she quickly drove home.

Axel sat on the edge of the bed, the fragrance of the herbs and flowers calming his jittery nerves. Clutching tight to Roxas' hand, he silently prayed.

"Axel…?" Roxas whispered. "Why…why are all the plants in my bedroom?"

Axel laughed. "Thank Goddess for that witch, your awake." kissing Roxas on the cheek, he snuggled into the blankets. "You, little love, have had me very worried this past few-" checking the clock, he stared. Had it really only been an hour? "-well, past hour. I had to call Aerith to come and dose you up."

"What was wrong with me?" he asked. "And why are you tying that around my neck?"

"She told me too. She's actually very scary for such a sweet girl." nuzzling Roxas cheek, he asked quietly, "Now. Care to explain your 'Alone' thing and why you don't think your good enough?"

Roxas gulped, he felt great now and Axel knew it. He'd never be able to fake sleep now…he was lying naked in bed with a semi-clothed Axel.

Damn those butterflies. They were back again.

"Well…" he turned away. "I-I don't want to talk about it."

"Roxas! Tell me…" grabbing Roxas' chin he forced him to look. Roxas squirmed under the fiery glare Axel gave him. "Don't make me kill you after I saved your life. Twice in two days, thank you very much."

"Why though? Why did you?" Roxas asked, whispering. "I'm not worth trouble. Not worth the pain it causes you. I don't deserve it…I don't deserve anything…"

Axel felt his eyes grow big. "What the hell kind of shit are you saying?" he sat up. "I did it because I love you, knuckle brain."

Roxas turned onto his side, facing away from Axel. "Can you…can you just leave me alone for a bit?"

Axel felt his face register shock and hurt, but on the inside he was numbing. "Sure Roxas…whatever you want is fine with me." Standing up, he pushed the blankets away angrily. "I would do anything for you Roxas. All you have to do is ask me." he said bitterly, slamming the door, he walked into the kitchen for some ice-cream.

Roxas felt a large, hot tear roll down his cheek.

"I can't tell you…or anyone. It's better for you to hate me when…when I finish the word…" he whispered. "It's better for them all to hate me…I'm not worth remembering…"

Axel sat outside the door, drowsily crossing his arms in frustration. Standing up, he pushed the door open. It had been days since Roxas had spoken to him after waking up. Almost a week, and no contact. Axel brought him food regularly, and sat there making small talk as Roxas catatonically ate it. What was wrong with him? He had no fever, he looked fine.

Except his eyes…his eyes were dull. No life seemed to spark within them.

"Roxas, this is enough. Either talk to me or-"

"Or what?" Came the hoarse reply. "You'll do what if I stop talking to you again?"

"I…I don't know really. I'll think of something though." wagging his finger at Roxas, he sat down.

"Just go away Axel." Axel froze.

"What?"

"You want me to be happy? Go away." Roxas said coldly.

Axel ran from the room, grabbing his jacket on the way out the door. Fuck the clothes Roxas had bought…

"Now…now forget me please…"Roxas whispered to no one pleadingly. "I'm not good enough. I'm a sick, horrible thing and don't deserve you at all." and pulling out his razor, he started on the next letter.

N.

And then…E…

a/n ……….. yes I went there……….read the next chapter!!!


	9. Good Enough

_A/N Last chapter…my reign has ended (for now anyway) and I as I promised in the last one, it _does_ get better, just read it through. Also my introduction to my next story…which is as yet unnamed. Go vote on my poll!! (pleasekaythankyoubai!!)_

_Disclaimer: Same as it's always been._

_Warning: Language and boy's love. Not _smut, _love. So there. :6 Luv you all!_

_p.s. (can I do a p.s.? oh well) please bear with his attitude. I wrote a lot of myself into this unfortunately, like I stated before. Course, as I also stated, no Axel and no cutting . blood is icky. (ima a big vampire fan and I just said blood is icky…whats wrong with meee?)_

Axel was hurting badly. The smell of the flowers didn't help much, no matter what crap Aerith spouted at him.

"I heard that." she said absently, making her customer jump. The bouquet of roses fell from his hands and landed on the counter.

Axel, startled, pricked his finger on a thorn. It was nice that Aerith let him stay here, working in her flower shop. He had been here for a few hours…but still, he missed Roxas a lot.

But he'd be able to be happy now. And Axel would do anything for his happiness. Handing the next bunch of roses to the very Marluxia-looking man, he sat down again, gathering up fallen leaves and petals that had fallen on the work table.

"Aerith patted him on the shoulder. "You tried your best…" then she gasped.

"Axel…Axel…where are you?" Roxas mumbled, stuck in a dream. Stretching out his hands, he, still asleep, blindly looked for the cinnamon smell of Axel's hair. But Axel wasn't here anymore…he'd finally driven away the last person to care for him…

He chuckled to himself darkly. They were all gone. He felt alone…which was perfect.

He could finish the word now.

Grabbing the razor, which was still stained red from the 'N' (which had totally healed and faded after a while…Aerith's potion still at work against the shallow cuts) he quickly slashed into his wrist deeply, the last letter…

E.

As the blood began to flow, he thought about Axel. He knew the others wouldn't care as much as he did, except maybe Aerith. But she cared about _everything,_ so it didn't really count…did it?

Roxas smacked himself mentally. It was too late for doubts. He knew, deep down (because, the voice told him of course) that no one loved him.

_Except Axel_. A newer, smaller voice said. _you loved him more than the rest, and he loved you too. You just didn't believe it!_

Roxas laughed. So now he had a demon and an angel sitting on his shoulders, like in the cartoons. Cool…his mind started to fog with fatigue as he lost consciousness. The fear of death was gone now…there was nothing except the fog, and the cold. He floated away on it, and a bright light appeared. Reaching for it…he felt hands touch his sides, grabbing his arms and pulling. The light, just out of his reach, fell away as he was pulled down. _So, I'm going to hell? Serves me right…_ closing his eyes, he blacked out…and felt nothing.

Axel bust the door down, running towards the bedroom. Aerith and her premonitions…he hoped to goodness she was wrong. He'd rather deal with a pissed Roxas than a dead one. Thinking up an excuse (I came to get some clothes?), he pushed open the bedroom door.

And was greeted by _red_.

"OHMYGODROXAS!!!" jumping across the room, he landed nimbly by the bed. There was blood _everywhere_. It was so much worse than the last time. Grabbing Roxas wrist, and placing a pillow on it, pressing to stop the blood flow, he saw the razor.

The damn thing winked at him. Or it seemed to anyway. Focusing all his anger on it, he lashed out, and it burst into flames, the metal glowing white-hot then shattering into ashes.

At least that damn thing was gone.

"Roxas! Damn it Roxas answer me!" smacking the blonde on the cheeks, he shook him gently. "Damn it. Aerith!" he called out, knowing she'd hear him from the car. "Aerith I need you!"

Bustling into the door, she gasped at the blood. "I can't help him now. Hurry, to the car!" she grabbed some of Roxas' clothes. "My potions heal, they can't make blood. He needs a transfusion or something now."

Grabbing Roxas, he quickly ordered "Here, press on his wrist with the pillow! Keep the pressure up!" he noticed, with dismay, the pillow was soaking it up fast.

"Where are we going?"

"To the hospital. Damn, I should have brought Zack with me…I need you to drive."

Axel blanched. "Eh, what?"

"Drive you sorry redhead, or he's going to die. I'm going to sit with him and try to bring him back, before it's too late."

Axel drove. Narrowly missing an older woman and her small dog, he followed Aerith's distracted instructions.

Roxas woke up, tubes and wires attached to him, the stiff mattress not offering any comfort at all.

Hell smelled a lot like a hospital. Maybe he was going to be tortures before burning for all eternity.

He yelped as warm hands grabbed him. Opening his eyes slowly, he was greeted but he most horrific thing he'd ever seen.

Cloud, and Leon crying. Along with all of the girls. In a hospital room, his arm bandaged, Axel passed out on a cot next to him.

"What the fucking hell did you think you were, doing, little brother? Do you really hate us that much?" Cloud wiped his eyes. "How dare you…how dare you _try_ to do something so stupid. So im-"

"Cloud, shut up. He didn't do it because of what your thinking, idiot." Aerith pushed his brother aside, and grabbed Roxas' face. "You, sir, had no right to do this to us. I don't care the way you feel, or the voice hear-"

"He hears _voices?!_" Cloud paled.

Aerith shot him a frosty one. "Shut up. Don't think that." turning back to Roxas, she continued. "We _love you._ And how did you think Axel would feel?"

Roxas squirmed. She didn't even _sound _mad. Her tone didn't match her strong words at all.

That made it all the worse…

"You don't believe he loves you? Well he does. He loves you more than all of us combined." she paused. "Not that that means we love you a little. On my honor, may the Goddess strike me down if I'm lying."

Pushing the others out of the door, she turned back to him. "Now, we will leave you two alone. We _will_ come to visit you after a while, when they let you out. But you will stay here and go home with Axel. Without us. You need to learn something, before you destroy him along with yourself." turning, she grumbled to Zack. "Get me some damn coffee. Pulling someone away from death and healing them while the doctors worked has made me cranky. I need caffeine!!" and then she closed the door.

Roxas looked away. The warm hand holding his clenched tighter, as the bed next to him creaked. A feeling of doom came over him…

He turned to face Axel.

He looked horrible. Roxas waited for the tongue lashing he deserved. That was about all he deserved.

"Oh thank Goddess, your awake." Axel sighed with relief. "I passed out a few hours ago, after the doctors left."

Reaching over, he pulled the cot closer with one hand. Sitting on it, he leaned over and looked Roxas in the eyes.

"So that's what 'Alone' means to you hmm? A suicide note?" he pointed to the bandaged arm. "You missed 'N'."

"It healed over." Roxas looked away, his voice hoarse. "Goddess I'm a failure at fucking _everything_."

"Is that why you told me to leave? So you could off yourself in peace?" Axel asked quietly. "And no your not. Your unhappy you failed to kill yourself?"

"I wanted you to hate me…it's better than thinking your in love with me."

"But I am in love with you." Axel sounded confused.

"No, your not. Your in love with the Roxas you lost. I just look like him…and how could anyone love me, ever? I'm not good enough."

Axel growled. "Now you see here. I've stayed with you for a whole of two weeks now, or almost anyway. And I love_ you_ not some vision I had of your other self! Now damn it, I've had to save your life so many times now…"

"Why? Why not just let me go?" Roxas felt tears fall. But they weren't his.

"Did you know something? Red is the colour that travels the farthest, out of all the other colours. I've traveled so far, for so long, and I deserve to be happy. With the one that deserves all of my love."

"It's not-"

"Don't you dare say it's not you. It's my choice, isn't it?" he paused. "If you don't want to stay with me…if you don't love mw I'll just die. But on the inside. I'd live on, every day hoping you'd love me back."

Axel stood up. "If you don't want me around, I'll go back home and collect my stuff. It'll take forever, but I'll pay you back. Aerith hired me in her shop, and said I could stay in the attic loft above it."

He tightened his grip in Roxas' hand. "All you have to do is say it. I'll do anything for your happiness. Anything you want because I love you."

Roxas choked on the words he wanted to say. Axel turned, dropping the blonde's hand, heading for the door. Just as he was about to step out, he heard a silent whisper.

"Stay…"

"Axel? Axel…." Asleep, and back at home, Roxas was resting. On a new mattress and sheets of course. Dreaming, he searched for the cinnamon that accompanied him in all his dreamtime wanderings.

Axel chuckled. Stripping down to his boxers, he deftly fell into the searching arms.

"I'm here love." bending down, he nuzzled Roxas' neck, and listened to the blonde's sigh of contentment.

Roxas sighed, waking up. "Come closer…"

"I know what A L U F stands for." Axel whispered into the blonde's ear, as his hands started to caress the awaiting body. His love, for now and forever.

"What?" Roxas asked sleepily, listening wholeheartedly. " And it's an 'E' not an 'F'." running his hands through Axel's straight hair ( he hadn't bothered to spike it since that first day…Roxas was kind of missing the spikes actually)

"No, it's an 'F'. Don't argue with me. It stands for: Axel Loves U Forever." he said, hugging his Roxas close.

"You starts with a 'Y' silly." Roxas shivered in anticipation as Axel's hands explored. "But other than that, I like it. Though the 'F' was supposed to be an 'E'."

"I know that I'm not an idiot. Just go with it." Kissing along Roxas' jaw line he stopped. "Did you hear something?"

"No. But I'm waiting too." Roxas sat up and nipped Axel on the bottom lip. "Come on, you've been waiting for this for a long time." he fell back, the back of his hand going to his forehead dramatically. "Please, sir, don't steal my virtue roughly!"

"Silly virgin…" Axel chuckled and got to work.

-----------

Neither of them noticed the sink bubbling, a dark portal appearing right in their kitchen again. They also didn't notice the searching hands reach out, to pull themselves free. A lanky blonde and a shorter blue haired boy tumbled out, landing in an unconscious heap on the kitchen tile.

But that is another story entirely…

The End.

_Real fast a.n. Review plz!! Oh and this chapter title is an Evanescence song, my all time fave. Hearts and rainbows to everyone! ( I hate rainbows…but other ppl like them right?)_


	10. New Note!

Author's Note.

Dearly beloved readers. You are gathered here today to read this letter of fucking celebration!!

AYDEN's BACK!!!! -crowds roar- RAWR!!! -heart symbol- Dinosaaaaaurs!! -glomps-

-ahem- sorry for the random

yeh anyway. here's an update! I'm going to start writing again, depression is still as bad but i will be writing again, i got some uberass poetry done, so all's good. Got some stuff published online (YAY) not mkaaking much money from it though (BOO).

heres the story updates!

* * *

A Nobodies Requiem: Finale is having some problems, so this one is on hiatus for like...ever maybe. Unless i write a chapter that's just Demyx (since she writes Zexion;s POV).

Alone: One Word Suicide Note: Working on the rewrite as we speak! Going to redo ALL the chapters, then upload and switch em, then leave a note (like this one), to let ya'll know!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: This is Alone's Sequel. NEW CHAPTER IS IN THE WORKS, ya'll will have it by the end of the week. Or you can shoot me.

Once Upon a Midnight Dreary: Discontinued, loves. Sorry.

Dude, where's My Sword? : (Cleon) In the works, shall be posted within 2 weeks.

Oh My Goddess: (ZackxAerith, with some ZackxSephy rape D: )In the next 2 weeks!

Darkside: Chapter 2 is halfway done!

* * *

Mkay, so, you ave my honest, solemn word that there will be updates within the next 2 weeks. just been so damn busy ;-; so i apologise profusely. Ya know what gets me writing faster? Reviews. so. if you havnt read one of theses stories ( they are all Kingdom Hearts, besides Once Upon...), go read them, and review. or Reread. i don't care, just show me luuurv!!

For the Love of Dinosaurs,

Ayden S.

-cue scrollyish signature-


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